Now, there once was a farmer, he lived near Hell
He had a little farm, and on he did dwell
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Now, the Devil came up to him one day
One of your family I must take away
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Oh, please don't take my eldest son
There's work on the farm that's a gotta be done
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Oh, it's not your son or your daughter I crave
It's your rotten old wife, it's her I must have
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Oh, take her, oh take her, with all my heart
Take her, please take her, and quickly depart
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Well, he threw the old woman all on his back
And off to Hell he went clickety clack
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And as they pa**ed by the forks of the road
He said, "Damn, old woman, you're a Helluva load"
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Now, as the approached the high gates of Hell
He said, "Sharp the coals, we'll roast her well"
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Now, two little devils came draggin' the chains
She up with her right foot, kicked out their brains
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Well, two little devils peeked out from the door
She up with her left, k**ed ninety-nine more
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Well, two little devils peeked over the wall, said
Take her home Daddy, she'll murder us all
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Now, he threw the old woman all on his back
He was seven years comin', seven days goin' back
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They found the old man asleep in bed
She up with a bu*terstick, paddled his head
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Now, here's your wife all safe and well
If I'd a kept her much longer, she'd a torn up Hell
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Now, I've been a devil most all my life
I never knew Hell till I met your wife
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Now, this proves women are worse than men
They go down to Hell, get throwed out again
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