[Marlo and Shuffle-T]
I loved all that over-performing like f**in' acting sh**
And I love the fact that in that vlog you said you weren't practicing
Yo, Soul f**in' K.O.'ed you, mate
Sorry guys
I know how the past is one thing but Soul mowed down his a** with one swing
Thrown out for harmful punching
And if you hear different, it's like music trivia, No Doubt Stefani's frontin'
Alright look maybe that day's a little fuzzy in my memory
But back at home him exposing Jeff is still by some considered treachery
But tell the truth, Caustic
It meant more than a battle to you when you dumped the sh** on Jeffy P
It was nothing personal
He's just incredibly morally upstanding when it comes to infidelity
And it's not just Caustic's performance that causes divorces
He writes down the stuff that you've been doing in his book of sins
Then tells your girl what you've been doing in the bulletin
She starts crying eating straight out of a pudding tin as he breads her hair like, “I said you were too good for him”
Ask any chick in the place
They'll tell you who's really the biggest snitch in the game
It's not the biggest breakage of the bro code that's been done
You start hanging around them at first he seems totally fun
Then he finds out that one of his homies in love
Then he starts wearing a f**in' wire when he goes to the club
And his boy's telling a story like, “So she pouts her cheeks says she's gonna go down on me”
And then Caustic chimes in like, “Whoa, that's sweet, say it again just a little bit louder please”
Look at this f**in' guy
You must live like a slob I'm sure
You're the type to order a plasma screen to your crib and set it up on the floor
I bet you've got two microwaves
One that doesn't work at all
And one that only works when you hold the door
And Dan thinks he'll be remembered for the lyrics in his tunes
I think that's really cute
But you're a long way away from a hit single with some views
So it's a ma**ive f**in' stretch to think that things will look up soon
Trying to make that Dream Work but boy you're fishing from the moon
Now when you're up on stage, battling saying something amusing
Telling the guy that you're against that he's ugly and stupid
And you remember you had dreams of being loved for your music
Do you ever stop and think to yourself, “What the f** am I doing?”
What is proper depressing is when the family dog catches you jackin' off and you have to sulk like, “God, I'm pathetic”
We sent Dan a vlog to be used in his podcast
Then, get this, the bit we filmed was dubbed with the wrong stuff
You got us!
And then Dan was like, “Yeah! Think you can come on my show and talk that kind of smack to me?”
Oh yeah, ‘cause with your millions of viewers we would have really caused some damage, D
The numbers that watched your show so strongly scared and baffled me
I had to email our original footage to all 12 of them, manually
But let's switch this sh**
It's the British kids
English pricks
Home of Rizzle Kicks, Little Mix, Wiz and Scizz, and fish and chips
Really weird things to list but keep going Shuffle mate stick with it
We're taking over your judicial sh** like the American colonies at 1766
You like that random historical reference?
That's a rhetorical question
We got this in the palm of our hands
We're just spinnin' it in our finger tips
The battle clowns can still hammer down we make standing out our initiative
So the Cali crowd can gather round as the West Coast witnesses the Red Coats in this flick [?] like the dress code of Schindler's List
[Dirtbag Dan and Caustic]
I understand
To be a battler these days you don't need to be a part of the music biz or have any concept of what music is
But where do we draw the line with this stupid sh**?
There's a difference between us spitting bars and you two talking in unison
You're not even battle rappers, you're free-form speech enthusiasts
You're battle actors
You don't even f**in' rap
You do sketch comedy and you s** at that
Don't Flop put you on but off top that's a bad decision
Like one of Lush's hats
sh**, at least it wasn't one of Aspect's f**in' ugly-a** bucket hats
Lookin' like ScHoolboy tool, what the f** is that?
Nobody's safe!
I mean honestly I think it's kinda tight the way Shuffle recites his bars
And then Marlo comes in and says something kinda smart
But the reality is y'all spend less time apart than p**y lips when vaginas fart
We some veterans believe it so we're not threatened by your secrets
I mean the delivery's kind of clever but the setups aren't as seamless
No wonder your bars always seem to sounds better in a sequence
But whenever you're not together everyone remembers that you're English
That's why y'all pale in comparison
No y'all pale in comparison
It's embarra**ing, makes me wish I had melanin I could share with ‘em
I tell you what, here's a travel tip
Head up to CBS, get some suntan lotion, smother that sh**
Make sure you get on baldy's forehead real good ‘cause his wispy-a** bangs don't cover that sh**
Marlo's basically a f**in' heretic ‘cause he f**in' lies about where his hair exists
If you're really not embarra**ed, b**h, why don't you lift up that cheap-a** toupee and show us where it is?
More travel tips
Make sure you collect your miles from that airline when you get back
And make sure you let the stewardess know that your hairline suffers from jetlag
It looks like your forehead made the trip but your hairline got left back
And no Mexico, but if you started sweating right now you'd have a wet back
At least I'm not going to be a hype man for the rest of my life, dawg
It's ironic Marlo's whiter than a Q-Tip and he's forever Shuffle-T's Phife Dawg
I'm on my Spy vs. Spy sh**, I'll rig his cell so when he answer his phone it blow up like a side chick
I can see into your future Marlo, I'm a mothaf**in' psychic
You lucky that T mobile ‘cause you only known for the sidekick
Y'all like the Nicole Richie and Paris type
Nah, the Cameron and Ferris type
Kinda like a pirate with a parrot type
Bottom feeding, talent leaching personality parasite
That's why we only listen to what Shuffle's saying
A Marlo battle is like a poker game
If you don't see a good Shuffle, it's not worth playing
What the f** does Marlo even bring to the table?
At least Shuffle's a character
He's got the bars, the charisma, the striking good looks
And what has Marlo got?
A f**in' free trip to America
Aye, look
We could go on forever with these Marlo bars because everybody likes Shuffle more
But it's getting old playing games with Marlo I bet Shuffle bored
Yo, y'all are supposed to be best friends?
How many times you tried to fight each other?
I feel like me and Caustic are better friends and most of the time we don't even like each other
I still got his back just like a brother
And I'm down to scrap if Dan's ever got in some trouble
But wait a minute, what would it look like if Marlo and Shuffle ever got in a scuffle?
[Dan and Caustic get into a mock fight]