Hi, my name's Ludacris, and I'm high as giraffe p**y
And I'm close to the edge, so yo' parents can come push me
I curse so much just to get on they nerves
I got kids "Actin' a Fool" from the traps to the burbs
My filthy mouth, it won't fight cavities or beat plaque
So I shot the tooth fairy and took my old teeth back
I'll take a sh** on the equator, the size of a crater
And make government officials breathe harder than Darth Vader
It's the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin'
But no pork on my fork, I don't even speak pig Latin
I go fishin' on my lake, with yo' b**h as the bait
Plus I eat many MC's, but I don't gain no weight
The number one chief rocka, clean out yo' rap lockers
I'm as stiff as a board, y'all more shook than maracas
But my trick ain't for kids, if you dig 'em, you'll get smacked
I'll clock ya, I'll spring forward, you fall back
Every album that I drop has got more than ten bangers
That's cause I'm a shot caller, y'all fools is Crank Yankers
Ain't a damn thing changed but the ice on my chain
To get chicks from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine
Now I roll up torpedoes, get blunted with Rastas
For a hefty fee, I'm on your record like Bob Costas
I own so many jerseys I'm a throwback mess
I hit the cleaners and tell 'em I want a full court press
So momma toast your gla** while I'm countin' my cash
'Cause every single is a smash, I'm hot as a camel's a**
The competition never just want to admit that they lost
And that they last about as long as my part in the wash
From yo' car to a crap game, no one rolls wit' you
One of Mini-Me's shoes got more sole than you
So by the time you figure out why your record ain't spinnin'
I'm in the strip club smokin', with President Clinton
So stand clear of the long sideburns and goatee
They may the mold of the penis enlarger off me
I'll be in another room when I hit from the back
Not to mention my refrigerator's taller than Shaq
So yippie-kay-yay, yippie-yie-yie-yo
If you can't swim, don't smoke my hydro
I've been lookin' for a woman just to put my stamp on
But a lot of y'all are mo' stuck up than tampons
So wash all ya sins away and stop playin'
If God's line is busy you might have to two-way him
Then catch me in your backyard, playin' croquet
And when I'm drunk tell them kids, "Drugs are bad, mmm'kay?"
Or watch me swing my chain at the Roscoe's off Pico
Got seven cars, get all my rims at Chrome Depot
And people think I'm bad, they say "Oooh he's so evil!"
'Cause I go on blind dates, with actual blind people
But my album's out the store, yours be on the shelf
I heard you masturbate a lot, so y'all keep to yourself
'Cause these women want a man that stay up and stay strong
Like the NBA, you gotta play hard or go home
All that sh** that y'all talkin', y'all can pop it to them
'Cause Ludacris will beat you down with a prosthetic limb
I put my foot so deep in yo' a** that you can smell it
And yo' breath will turn to Foot Locker water repellent
I'm the man, I got money far as the eyes can see
And I'm in a group, I split dough with me, me and me
So much money in my j**elry that I'm damn near sorry
So I'm a trade my earrings in, and get a Ferrari
I buy cars with straight cash, have meetings with Donald Trump
y'all meet with Honda, no payments for 12 months
Take a look at yo' life and no wonder you so sad
Y'all put up with more sh** than a colostomy bag, fool!