There once was a man who just couldn't cry
He hadn't cried for years and for years
Napalmed babies and the movie love story
For instance could not produce tears
As a child he had cried as all children will
But at some point his tear ducts ran dry
He grew to be a man, but the feces hit the fan
Things got bad, but he couldn't cry
His dog was run over, his wife up and left him
And after that he got sacked from his job
Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a who*e
Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob
Well his novel was refused and his movie was panned
And his big Broadway show was a flop
He was sent off to jail; you guessed it, no bail
Oh, but still not a dribble or drop
Well in jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered
And made to make license plates
Water and bread was all he was fed
And not once did a tear stain his face
Doctors were called in, scientists too
Theologians were last and practically least
They all agreed sure enough; this was sure no cream puff
But in fact an insensitive beast
He was removed from jail and placed in a place
For the insensitive and the insane
He played lots of chess and he made lots of friends
And he wept every time it would rain
Well once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights
And he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried
On the forty-first day, he pa**ed away
He just dehydrated and died
Well, he went up to heaven, located his dog
Not only that, but he rejoined his arm
Down below, all the critics, they loot it all back
Cancer robbed the who*e of her charm
His ex-wife died of stretch marks, his ex-employer went broke
The theologians were finally found out
Right down to the ground, the prison burned down
The earth suffered perpetual drought