Everybody wants a reason for everything
It's so much easier with someone or something to blame
I've always struggled at the root of the problem
Has it been absence or my constant lack of defense?
I've never spent a lot on finding a remedy
I guess I figured that it hurt for a reason, I guess
That's why I've always turned to writing it down
Not just in stories, but the letters in between, and
I guess that's why it haunts the pages of everything
To self-examine
I think the thing is that I shut off from everything
From friends and family and my own ambitions
From having fun; I just shut off from everything
Self-defeating? Yeah, probably, but I don't
Know that I had total control over it
And I'm not sure it even matters why
Sometimes things happen and you can't do anything
Plus, I'm the only one who deals with it anyway
So if everyone could do me a favor and just
Put their fingers down, I'd — and keep your mouths
Sorry, I know I seem angry. I'm not, I…
I promise, I just know I did this to me
And I will deal with it accordingly, and I
Don't need opinions from those never a part of it
Don't need them pointing out my problems, they're mine
Don't need reminders; I know better than anyone
And yeah I know, I should be finding another way
I know that I should be out seeking a substitute
But just forgetting never really made sense to me
So I haven't been
Do I feel embarra**ed about it?
I think you know the answer to that
I think you'd probably feel a little bit
Embarra**ed for me, wouldn't you?
I know I should've moved on ages ago
Been happy already, but
It's never been that easy for me
Or maybe it was me that made it so hard
I know I've only ever tried a handful of times
To sever this thing torturing me
It never got me anywhere
With anyone; no friendship or hobby, no lover's bed worked
But looking back I maybe never tried hard enough
And it is my fault
Maybe I never tried at all