[Round 1: PoRich]
They said, "Where you been Rich? You been writing?
You even been rhyming? Or have you been hiding?
Chilling in the islands?
[?] 2Pac holding the camera and Biggie standing right beside him
I said, "Mind ya business unless you wanna try dying
Don't go looking for the king cause you just mind find him."
Now I need to thank PH from the get go cause I don't think you kids know
Before my battle with Sketch I secured his vote by promising him a spot on my Youtube clip show
Turned around and won the battle and never even put his a** in the intro
And somehow these cats still respect you a little
So I took this battle knowing his bread and bu*ter when I get in a pickle
Now if you watch Dexter, this next bar's official
But to start my ritual that k**s him in three like Arthur Mitchell
Not sure what some of y'all are turning this into
But when I started rhyming I learned how to diss fools
No one was lying about burners and pistols
Cause that sh** only earns you a fistful
And you deserve that buck fifty right down to the nickle
So you got a gun back home across the border you can't carry those
So now you're just a fat f** from the east side; Mario
I can think of one good reason why you're undefeated
Every guy Pumpkin's eating had legs with c*nt between 'em
So you wanna grab the throne?
First you gotta clash with Po'
And you have to hope I hit you with a fast approach
Like an avalanche down an Aspen slope
You'll survive by the skin of yo' ashy nose
You finally hit the last castle bro, but you look way more like Bowser; that's the joke
You're one ugly dude
Pumpkinhead, you look like a Halloween pumpkin in June
But you found a girl that won't duck away
You love her eh?
Go home every night and kiss her on her pumpkin face
And since you carved 'em yourself she could be any f**ing shape
What a babe
Got mad [?] in her glove
Such an incredible goalie
If they don't give that s*ut the [?] and the trophy then Gary [?] can blow me
They always say I'm the underdog but they never can roast me
Realize my flow, thunder god so you better stay Low key/Loki
On this quest a race band to rep
The white shark eats your lifeguards then hammer head
You got heaters? Well they ain't landed yet
Meanwhile I'm pulling you down, deeper than James Cameron went
See, Robert wants to be the king but the lion will stop it from happening
With punchlines that bore through your gut; Robert Baratheon
So go ahead, talk about that wood chain you seen me wore
But I ain't going for that
See I don't need my Ouija Board to speak from ghosts from the past
[Round 1: Pumpkinhead]
Rich, I'm here to put a stop to your fame
The way that sun shower you with bars, it's only right you have a short rain/reign
I'll apply an armbar, lock it like an armoire
If he escapes, I'll type his address in my OnStar
Roll up to his crib, skkkkrt, pull out the fifth
Pboom, it'll surprise him like a gift from Nardwuar
You got a problem dawg, you don't look well kept
You gotta be able to walk that straight line before you take those 12 steps
The way I think, is mind f**ing to the brink
Of intoxication so I'ma k** you with all drinks
I'll stab you with a screwdriver, a kamikaze that's scary
Ain't no s** with your b**h, she's a mudslide I left her bloody Mary
We had s** on the beach, she gave me a bl**job for the god's pleasure
And told me to give her a stiff one, because your bar tender
Dissing me cause I'm older guy, get Busy Bee, I'ma overdrive
You ain't k**ing me, I'm known to ride
You get hit with the Billy D Colt 45
Anyone who bet after he drinks he can barely walk ten feet
Dragging his steps, walking like how Asian men see
I know that's a little racist, please forgive me
No disrespect to Dumbfoundead, Psycho and Jin the MC
Cause those is the homies and I know what you thinking
But true story though, when Rich met Jin he tried to drink him
I can't believe in your delusional mind you think you're the best
When we all know dudes from Witby that get in the ring die a horrible d**h whenever they're put to the test
I had mad alcohol references in this battle, I'm not here to play today
You like going from bar to bar, but bar for bar these bars won't take your f**ing pain away
[Round 2: PoRich]
I always knew you'd change your name for a reason
PH, stands for Puerto Hhhrican
Oh that, that's a hard 'H'
I'm waging my finger like Dikembe Mutombo
Y'all got me here battling Caliente's uncle
Hey, now what's a good verse without a couple zingers?
Those brown bean teeth are a hot dog away from being [?] dinner
Don't play with me, you've had those baby teeth
Way before the days when we'd watch VHS on JVC
Now either your gums are rubber or nothing other
Than just a bunch of hubba bubba
I wonder what would be harder to do
Stand here and argue with you or watch those things go through a Charleston Chew
Now how come you always mumble when you speak
Don't try to tell me it's cause you're trying to talk with a crack rock between your cheek
Now I'll lace your blunt with coke and E
Sit back, sip a Coke and eat, watch you smoke the tree
See I'm a Hip Hop Drunkie, so it's nothing if you O.D. B
Yeah, I'm the Autobots when it's time to roll out
And you a Decepticon with Devastator
But I'm a better player
Taking pudge out this game like the Texas Rangers
Fat f** needs a ventilator just to ride the escalator
You still dropping ten pounds you paying for summer
b**h look in the mirror and make it a hundred
Cause your boy PH a gigalo, you didn't know?
Watch him at the [?] all his girls jiggle out
Heard your little ho is an early worker with a trailer park p**y
Phil Collins wouldn't eat that dirty birdy
I don't know how you stay sticking your dick in the b**h
For me it was a lottery win, soon as I hit it I quit
But you'll spend your only G stack on those foldy meat flaps
I mean it's like a moldy baloney cheese snack
And you scarfing it down like it's old and tree sap
Ain't you know that hoes bad for your breath?
And ain't you know my flow bounce like a rabbit on meth?
See now we just getting busy you challenged a kid from Witby
But I'll check your f**ing rep on the talent Mr. Richie
He's got prostate cancer
That's not make believe
The doc says when he takes a pee
It's like a King Of The Dot, Pay Per View
(What's that?)
A shaky stream
And you know he's got some elaborate d**h scheme
I'm like, "What are you some Puerto Rican Necro?"
Before this old man tries to run me down he's like, "Orthopedics, let's go."
I sure back in the day you roll with movers and shakers
Crazy kids who never cared
These days that arthritis makes those movers and shakers spill sh** everywhere
Old a** b**h
Now we see him at the nursing home bragging like, "Yup
Fell asleep talking to that chick
Had a heart attack talking to that chick
Had a stroke talking to that chick."
How you gon' spit flows
Where all them guns at now f*ggot?
Yeah, I ain't the- OH MY GOD HE HAS A GUN!
I'm joking; he's a f*ggot
[Round 2: Pumpkinhead]
They said I'm old, kinda outta shape and I don't have a great smile
So f**ing what?
You're blond, you're drunk, you act like a p**y, you could've played Eminem's mom in 8 Mile
The difference between us is I'm on my grind getting change doing this sh**
Yeah I'm on my grind, it's my thing
But this b**h? You ain't ever grind you're in my lane you little dip sh**
You just started grinding, you're Lil' Wayne doing kick flips
PH gon' get the title, it's far from a myth
And I'm a Robin Hood so it's only right I take it from Rich
I stare Doom in the face, you're not a G Richard
I'm Fantastic with that Four this Human with get Torched, you'll bleed Richard
It's not a Thing for me to view the Invisible Woman in you, it's what I see Richard
You'll get stretched like elastic fam' for thinking you Fantastic Man that's how I read/Reed Richard
You wanna die?
You wanna challenge me with the hands?
You could die instant man
Cause my bullets touch hearts like an Instagram
You think you funny though, you took a gangster's name and switched order
But real Harlem G's know you wouldn't push AZ for that Alpo
You're far from Rich Porter
Y'all don't get that?
This motherf**er swears he's a pirate
You know what I'm saying, talking sh** about he's hard with the raps
You know he gon' scar me on tracks
Yo we know you're a pirate because they always have something wood attached
And that basically makes you handicapped
[Round 3: PoRich]
This ain't something you can get into
How your girl gon' get it dude?
Chloroform, acidic fume
Spin the top, Hasidic Jew
Open mouth, strip her nude
So dry, give her lube
Spit shine, Xzibit tool
Razor blades, RZA, Wu
Fill up with the GZA juice
Yo PH, is it true?
You knew Kweli back in middle school?
You see him now like, is it you?
He walks past, that isn't cool
And you act like you in the loop
You fat f**ing nincompoop
Compare yourself to Supernat' and Juice, you kidding?
I saw Supernatural behind Canibus when he was spitting
The look on his face when 'Bis pulled out his notebook like "What's this f*ggot thinking?
This is everything that rapping isn't."
And you think if he was there for your choke against Dumbfoundead he would've acted different?
No!
See exposing people is never fun
Team Homi please
Team Homie, I've seen your Facebook bud
You are friends with everyone
He's all over social media, 100's of posts
Young guns catch him stumbling home
Challenge him to battles, start busting a flow
He said, "Please I have to get online I have a rep to upload."
And that's why you're not keeping up as well
I hear Team Homi deconstructs your favorite rappers
That's why they'll never deconstruct themselves
You're not a star, how you keep up the mirage?
You sold 50,000 tapes and they're all in your garage
I mean yo, most people aren't even aware that you're an artist
Beside a few who call [?] to stand there in the darkness
And hear your horrible garbage about very bearable hardships
You told Aftershock his tracks are the wackest sh**
While you're getting 50 bucks from cats you're collabing with?
And that makes YOUR music penthouse status b**h?
Please, tell me more about this low rent establishment
And tell me who's the real battle pioneer
I won both league titles back to back inside a year
While you online begging for the champ chain embarra**ing yourself
Your little campaign brought your whole camp shame
That's a credible fact
You're not a legend you're wack
You still think you're the essence of rap?
Pumpkin, you need to pull your head outta your patch
It's 2012, you started rapping in '86
The same year my mom gave birth to baby Rich
But the crazy bit is in that time of space he's did
Mad work to create a name that became a way to live
He's done concerts, made music, he got praise for it
Connects with execs, and relationships
He's done battles, he was paid to win
So how come 25 years later this drunk Canadian is in the same place as him?
I'll tell ya one, and you should know by now
This is a young man's game sit your old a** down!
[Round 3: Pumpkinhead]
I bet when I first spoke about the title, it probably bothered you
Like how dare he take shots at Hollohan and The Saurus, the gods you pay homage to
But I'm the ultra light, the reason why they shine
I'm the god particle
I super sonned you cause at the end of the day I fathered those that fathered you
The past two events, he was like, "I hope you win, I got more PH material for the world."
Shut the f** up you prima dona
Stop acting like a virgin, nobody cares about the material girl
I swear to f**ing God when he looks me in my face I just wanna smack the taste out his mouth
This motherf**er be drinking, falling down a pile of steps
Yo he don't be knowing what he be talking about
But yo, I'm about to take him on a different route
Listen...yo Rich
{Chokes and starts freestyling until he just gives up}