[Round 1: Chedda Cheese]
Back in 1965, The Saurus was the meanest with the tongue
Type of superstar he never could've dreamed that he'd become
The greatest battler in the world, a genius with the puns
Okay, the only battler in the world, but still he was number one
See I grew up watching you, a name they remembered
Thinking if he's the best then I knew I could break the record
So I stepped my sk**s up, built up and I got my game together
Took what it took to be the greatest ever and I made it better
Now here we are today, so this is what it is
Used to be an innovator in the city that he lives
Now he's got this new style, but it really isn't his
Outdated gun bars, and sh** he never did
Like some sort of weird uncle trying to fit in with the kids
He'll be like, "In this hippity hop battle, you won't even get around
My bullets do the dosey doe, that means you're 'bout to get a round
So all you little whipper snappers better simmer down
I've got the tooley in my trousers, it goes blicky blicka blow."
Man, it's safe to say you went south
What he used to dish out compared to what he spits now
I'm thinking that I missed out
Not enough drive left in him to make this sh** count
Too old to give a 100%, that's a senior's discount
Washed up and boring, what I speak is more contagious
The more time that pa**es in the scene the more it changes
So considering the rate at which Peter Morris ages
No wonder we see The Saurus in the prehistoric ages
And anyone who thinks you're still relevant, you've got 'em fooled
Known for what he's done in the past, but now you're not as cool, just living off your legacy
Exploiting every molecule
Funny that a dinosaur is running off of fossil fuels
And they say "respect your elders", guess I've been doing something wrong
Kick your cane out from under you and walk across your mother's lawn
Show up at the nursing home you're living at with nothing on
And co*k block you from every granny that you crushing on
Yeah! And that's it
[Round 1: The Saurus]
15 years in this scene and I've learned two things in life are a certainty
One, no living being's time is eternity
And two, I'll never battle Math Hoffa
But I got three rounds I wrote for him that apply to you perfectly
Stick a fork in it, we're in the fortune but for him it isn't fortunate
One hit, have him stiff as a corpse, the rigor mortis hit
Before this kid was born I built this scene on some brick and mortar sh**
And that ain't even going out on a limb like a Christmas ornament
You came here just to escape from the cold, harsh climate
But ah, ran into a stone wall cause you're so far sighted
But we can close our eyelids and see you've never wrote bars like
Your pen's shaky, no arthritis
That's why you've ducked me so hard, spent so long hiding
I'ma show y'all why I finally broke our silence
They tried to book this battle four times, don't start lying
So why am I just meeting Cheese like a low carb diet?
Jesus Christ I'm glad y'all finally get to see three rounds from me tonight
Spark an a** when I come back, I told him, "Only when that Cheese round."
I'm feasting, you gon' stand here and take it like free advice
You may owe (mayo) Peter (pita) bread after we beefing, Chedda's being sliced
It's easy, sh** ain't always what it seems lately
The greatest and I keep training the underground game like Team Gracie
If you think that he takes me tonight, you free basing
This gon' be easy as finding a needle in a haystack...on East Hastings!
So keep training, you'll never win the title he's chasing
Like your shot with Arcane, all that whine/wine and cheese tasting
This as close as you'll get to the legends and the OGs
Chedda can be top ten but you'll never be the G.O.A.T. Cheese
[Round 2: Chedda Cheese]
They say my rounds are too short cause I stick to the time limits
But I hate it when these rap guys ramble for nine minutes
Just a bunch of filler, can't even vibe with it
Forget a time limit, if it's wack then why spit it?
Watching battles like, "Man, my free time got a time limit
If it's not your best work, quit wasting my time with it."
And I'm glad your girlfriend is watching this at home cause I got something to mention
Like her unhealthy obsession with all that public affection
Every hour on my time line another confession
So this round goes out to her since she loves the attention
Now look, first of all, your little Facebook romance is awful and gross
Had to rethink my life and unfollow you both
Plus she's painted over 40 different battle rappers, sounds awkward but it's true
That's a lot of time spent staring at a lot of different dudes
Man no wonder she tells you she got no room for his spouse
Keeps a different creepy painting in every room of her house
She's got Rone by the fireplace, Daylyt by the ledge
Carter in the kitchen, next to Caustic and Cortez
T-Rex in the pantry, Solomon in the shed
Chedda Cheese in a frame on the ceiling above your bed
She's seeing Chedda on the side, stacking the cream up
Should've listened to Kanye, get you a pre-nup
She wasn't eating Cheetos, Cheesies, or Cheese Puffs
When you caught her orange handed covered in Cheese dust
Pretty much what I'm saying is, whoo whoo whoo
I took your broad to Atlanta
I showed up in flannel pajamas
Had some apricots and bananas
While watching some Hannah Montana
Whoo whoo whoo
[Round 2: The Saurus]
I can't believe that last line is something you spat at the camera
You just admitted to 300 people that you watch Hannah Montana
Look, now he's declined this battle four times
Do y'all wanna know what the excuse is?
(What?)
Every time they've tried to book it he says he's "focusing on music."
Oh wait, you mean making parodies of other people's old sh** as your new sh**
And putting nerdy concepts over songs you've stolen cause you're stupid
I should've given you an education sooner
You know what rhymes with "self depreciating humor"?
(What?)
It'll never make you cooler
You bit your style from Weird Al which don't quite threaten me
But it must be a Lonely Island having no identity
I bet that he's self destructive, insecure
But never felt reluctant to reflect another person's image
Cause in his own he felt disgusted
But if you think his sh**'s creative and wonder how the hell he does it
Simple, Chedda's cut from the mold of someone else's substance
Just once, write a song that's yours
Instead of trying to churn a profit first
How dare he, Chedda's milking that product for all it's worth
If you were a cop, your code name would be "Copy That"
They only gave you that Carter match cause he heard that you're a copy cat
You're a knock off of a knock off, stop it right this instant
You beat the same dead horse and swear to God this time it's different
But with every stolen song the concept got recycled with it
That's why your videos all get taken down for copyright infringement
This is not old news, you need to stop those moves
Take the auto tune off of all those tunes
Now it's true those are some cold words but he won't learn if it don't hurt him
Listen Bo Burnham, do some soul searching
It's time to become your own person
Cause once you finally be yourself, you'll be completely set free
But while you're stuck trying to be someone else
You'll always lose to someone else who's trying to be the next me
[Round 3: Chedda Cheese]
When I tell you that I'm concerned for your health, I don't say that sh** loosely
Cause it's not even that hot and you are sweating profusely
You 'bout to buckle under pressure
Even your belt buckle 'bout to buckle under pressure
Got a gut like Uncle Fester
Gambling and food addiction, that's what he's been coping with
Instead of counting cards start counting carbs, I thought I told you this
Grieving and hopelessness, he sees that it's over with
Cause the fat blob can't stop eating the poker chips
My future looking brighter than I planned
Get in line and get a tan
You've been going downhill too much pride to give a damn
I'll be kicking it with Puffy, riding in the Lamb'
You'll be living in the country, riding on a lamb
Aw man, so I checked our stats online cause I was wondering where we fit
I've got 19 battles you've got 136
That's seven times more battles, you clearly haven't grown
You should be seven times better off of experience alone
Yet somehow I've caught up to you
See I caught him slipping, me I'm on a mission, listen
You can't see, I got a vision
See the contradiction? I would eat the competition
Like you, versus me...in an eating competition
So you can rap about cashing out G's til your bank accounts freeze
Cause I'll be chilling at my mom's house rapping 'bout cheese
Cause when I first started, I was literally the worst rapper ever
Ten years later and I'm a first cla** contender
So in ten years from now, I'll be that much better
Selling out shows cause my sh**'s just clever
Worldwide tours, six hit records
And your girl backstage screaming, "Ch-Ch-Chedda!"
[Round 3: The Saurus]
I'd beat you in any eating competition that I ever could try
Just like this battle tonight when I ate Cheddar alive
You better put that money where your mouth is if you talking Cheese
Or I'll find out where you vacation...show up at your cottage Cheese
Look, it seems like something's off lately
Bad poutine, it never occurred to Cheese that it wasn't all gravy
Call me crazy, I could beat Chedda with my eye's closed
Straight degenerate, I'll bet everything that I own
Except, you were alive when you stepped into this time zone
Now you're just an extra bag for Sketch to check before his flight home
The guy's known as Chedda Cheese but his name is Shay Rogers
That's way softer
You're what would come out if a bully shoved Charron and Kid Twist in the same locker
Now, I don't know if you're using Weight Watchers
But you look malnourished dawg, don't wait longer
Get in touch with your AIDS doctor
Roger that, watch your back, be careful Roger
This a time paradox vers' a tie and a pair of Dockers
I don't think your life's worth what I'm prepared to offer
Cannon for an arm, aiming at Cheese head when I'm airing/Aaron Rogers
Y'all wanna know what rhymes with "Mr. Rogers"?
(What?)
Into toddlers
With your skinny shriveled posture you could get a World Vision sponsor
I've been a monster
If I had to listen to him a minute longer
I'd stick him in such a perfect cast this Birdman could win an Oscar