[Round 1: Madness]
Yo I'm your idol, the highest title, so f** a Uno
You are a Puerto Rican and I'm speaking so that you know
That nobody f**ing likes you you talentless co*ks**er
Bro I give a f** about the crowd's best reaction
Bro just so you know you don't have original or clever rapping
Here's my impression of Uno Lavoz delivering an amazing battle line...never happen
See I met him last year at Blackout, I was drunk as sh**
I rolled up like, "He's like me." Figured he's someone I could be funny with
But he was like, "Nah bro, I rap as a character, it's nothing but a shtick."
I just looked, shook my head and walked away like, "What a f**ing b**h."
And this is what y'all condone?
Some fake drunk who be stumbling and mumbling like he need him some help
That Uno Lavoz character is crazy, too bad you f**ing s** at being yourself
And based on that fact alone, I think this f*ggot should forfeit
Look at him, b**h you struggle to fake talents I was naturally born with
I am the genuine article, so who the f** would y'all rather party with?
Comparing us is like chugging a whole Bacardi fifth versus like a partial sip of some weak as Arbor Mist
My lifestyle is so amazing, it's kinda hard to diss
b**h you spit like you legit, use the battle rap starter kit
Awkward sh**, screaming and tryna ball your fists, I'm smarter kid
And you're the Pica**o in the art of being on my dick
I'm back on my sh**, so you better pray to God and your church
Your f**ing set ups are horrible, punchlines are one liners and your blogs are for nerds
You've had a problem since birth
Doctor's ain't know if you retarded or worse
So f** a body bag or a hearse, f*ggot you belong in a purse
And as far as battling, people like me, Kid Twist, Marv Won and Frank Stacks are your forefathers
You such a Puerto Rican b**h you should be rocking your name and a pair of door knockers
Bro, living broke to pitching coke to spitting jokes, I built something
b**h I created that lane that you're trying to drive your little f**ing milk truck in
See, as your pops, looking at you, I should tell you, in the real world you'd never make it alive
Listen Manuelito, pull up your f**ing pants and straighten your tie
He's got a f**ing hat with a jacket, black slacks and a pair of shoes
Uh uh, not where I'm from
Yo Lush
[Lush One]
What's up?
[Madness]
This is how I talk to my son
See, after this, if you wanna get disrespectful and sh**, then after this you getting snuffed if nothing else
And you know what else?
Go f** yourself
[Round 1: Uno Lavoz]
I said YOOOOO!
I said we just started this battle and already this clown's done
How the f** did you already start choking at the end of your sh** and we only on round 1?
And for real, I don't like what you said about my job so listen here mister
You said I drive a milk truck? Well you're so fat that you do construction and you're a fork lifter
I said and you Colombian? What the f** I gotta put it in mom jokes or something?
n***a, your mom's the Foldger's guy, she makes a mean cup of Joe
Now I'ma win this battle but if I lose, when his mother dies I'ma show up at the funeral ask for a rematch and give you three rounds of new mother jokes
I said why you name yourself Madness? Now that sh** got me bugged the f** out
Did you name yourself Madness cause you go cuckoo when you bring them guns out?
Did you name yourself Madness cause you go insane and you start punch n***as lungs out?
No, you named yourself Madness cause your mother was a crazy who*e who slept with mad men and her p**y was the nut house
I said close curtains his skull hurting once this guy go
Why don't you show your true colors, what's the disguise fo'?
I said I should take your notepad and shove it down this guy's throat
So all those funny quotes are now considered inside jokes
I said you want beef? Well f** it, I'm dumping them nines then
Watch these hands they'll clock you
I've been putting my time in
You ain't the truth cause on the floor is where you be lying
And I'm gangsta as sh** so if you wanna fight, is Math Hoffa around? I'm running behind him
I said this n***a used to get bullied as a kid
Used to get stomped out 'til his chest gone
Fat b**h got bullied in pre-school, high school and the sh** just kept on
I mean sh**, he's not even pure Colombian so he was even born stepped on
f** I gotta put it in mom jokes or something?
n***a your mom s** dick for gas station restroom keys
That's why you a hot mistake, and you ain't got a lot of dates
Cause you're so fat in front of b**hes you turn into a doctor office
Why is that? Cause you're always apologizing for the wait/weight
I said your highest viewed battle is you versus Soul Khan
And shows you choking like you were s**ing on a fat dick
And your second highest viewed battle is you getting your a** kicked by Iron Solomon now don't act like we forgot about that Summer of Madness
You need to stop worrying about he past and make way for the new breed
Stop worrying about the n***a you about to battle and worry about me, yeah that's what you need
But since you think you're live I'll make the blood out of you stream (U-Stream)
And charge people at your wake just to give your funeral that Pay Per View theme
I said yeah I did a sandwich line in London, so what? Now you think I'm owing you?
You think whoever uses the word "sandwich" all of a sudden has to pay a toll to you?
Well if there was ever any doubt on who's the bigger name let that sh** show the proof
Cause you made that a hot line and I made it a hot quotable
Now they said, "Don't use fat jokes against Madness." I'm like, "Why?" This n***a is fronting
I mean this n***a is so fat, back in high school they call him Christopher Colombian
And that sh** is true
They call him that cause he stepped on a scale and the sh** said 1492
Motherf**er you have never ran a lap in your life and your stomach is a hint
I mean, I don't know what kind of cell phone plan you got but I know it isn't Sprint
Hey Kaliente you said something about me I really don't f** with that
You say your daughter said "f** me" well wait 'til she's 18
I'll show up at the birthday party and straight up f** her back
[Round 2: Madness]
See these rappers is corny style
They score some wins or views
You rely on props, shock value and fake personal sh** to use
f** while they interviews but when I seen you and checked you, you was like, "Nah kid. It's cool."
Don't get confused, I'l put you in the news
One hit can lift your shoes
Do the salsa on top of your lifeless body like Victor Cruz
This is true, you wifed up that Mystique s*ut and f**ed her raw
You must really be hating your health
Yo, she's an annoying Puerto Rican b**h who thinks she's famous from battle rap
It must've been like dating yourself
See what we do here is not considered a career homie there's a lesson
Just from being real with cats that's how Tony got globally respected
The way you act, shows me how much you grew up all alone and need a friendship
Totally neglected, and use your f**ing corny jokes in hopes that you can be socially accepted
You have no actual friends, you hang with battle rappers
You hang with battle rappers, even if that means you have to pay for travel
Oh, do y'all go camping and sit around the camp fire and talk about your favorite battle?
You f**ing herb
I guess they needed a b**h on that Mosh Team list so they added him to Shotti's rap crew
f*ggot, I could start a sports team with all the f**ing rappers that body bagged you
But you know what them fake ballers do when you take 'em to school and prove that they're more than weak
See, when they can't make it in the states they go overseas and play for the foreign league
But he got Twitter followers y'all and battle views on Youtube and sh**
Yeah? Let's see you trade in them views for some shelter and food for your stupid kid
Let's see you cash them all in for some loot to keep your bank account up to date
Let's see you use those views as a shield to stop me from punching you in your f**ing face
Pump your breaks
If you wanna talk crazy, then tell your baby moms Vanessa I'll come over and rape that b**h while she babysits
Your little Xavier kid, then wipe my face and dick all over your baby's bib like a handkerchief
How that feel p**y? What you thought? I'm Carlito and you Benny Blanco?
Trying to play the same part as me?
Trying to get all up in the game when your dues will only pay partially
I raised you boy and I take you out the frame cause it ain't hard to see
The f**ing problem is I'm Nucky Thompson and in this scene you're James Darmody
This war, but this battle ain't even for me
It's for the real fans who are tired of seeing you forever come wack
So on all of their behalf, get the f** outta battle rap f*ggot and never come back
[Round 2: Uno Lavoz]
"Ewww. Uno Lavoz, you had s** with a girl and you liked it cause she had a big booty
I never had s** before, my name is Madness and I made you have cooties."
That's exactly like how you sound
I said b**h, I say your mom p**y smells like Pepe Le Pew
And you know what? f** it
How about instead of the jokes I just show you how I'm way more creative than you
Movie quotes
I said, why so serious?
Since you think life is a box of chocolates, how about I make you an offer you can't refuse
I said there's no place like home but you sleeping with the enemy and truthfully, you can't handle the truth
Go ahead, make my day, stupid is as stupid does
And may the Force be with you cause I see dead people
When I pack the Mac, it'll make you say hello to my little friend
Then it's hasta la vista baby and if you staying alive then guess what?
I'll be back
I said you the type to say some dumb sh** like, "You better run to the Safehouse if I grip that Texas Chainsaw."
I'm the type to say some sh** like, "This George Lucas blade, well that'll take your Face/Off."
Now you're probably thinking, "Well that's not clever."
Well listen to the punchline again you little senseless geezer
I said this George Lucas blade will take your Face/Off
That's just another way of me saying this director's cut will leave you with special features
I said why you keep on talking like you this hateful relentless motherf**er that's so crazy you just be defacing little infants
Your whole persona is just fake so admit it
You just sit back and watch the action happen in front of you b**h, that makes you a witness
I say you getting into those clothes must've been some Risky Business
And you losing weight must've been a Mission Impossible too
I said, oh sh**, I just did two movie quotes from Tom Cruise
You know why I did that? Cause you're wearing his mom's shoes
See Madness thinks his style of rap is just the way it go
So you're a rapper, who talks about movies and you really think that's A, MC?
I said Madness, you're one of my favorite rappers
You're one of the reasons why I just started rapping
Whenever I had a bad day I would watch one of your jawns and I just started laughing
I mean seriously, I know I can never amount to anything that you did
Cause you outshined me in every way and in this scene you're the largest factor
I mean you're the best rapper in the world
[Crowd member]
Time!
[Uno Lavoz]
Now tell me that wasn't some awesome acting
I said yo, this n***a reminds me of my favorite movie
The part where the two dudes are fighting in front of a live crowd
And everyone thinks that the bigger dude is gonna win because he's more experienced in his fight style
But he only relies on his strength so it's really easy for the skinny dude to tire him out and knock him out in the third round
You ever seen that movie Madness? Of course you haven't, look at the camera cause they filming the sh** right now
I said for real, look at his face, this reminds me of a different movie
The part of a horror flick where the k**er's gonna come and flex those guns
But shhh, this is my favorite scene
The part where the white b**h says the last words before the d**h blow come
{Uno points to Madness to signal it's his turn for round 3}
[Madness]
That's how you're ending it? Terrible!
[Round 3: Madness]
See every rapper that matters told me, "Don't battle that Lavoz kid. Tony, that p**y's a disgrace."
I said, "Nah, it's about time a real MC really puts him in his place."
I'll let this rookie get a taste and I should right hook you into space
Because if respect was a person he wouldn't even f**ing look you in the face
Battle rap is all you have and I snatch it from you in a gasp like you lost oxygen
You really wanna know my favorite part about all your little battles fam'? It's not watching 'em
But he says he wants my spot, okay, without bragging let's really break down into detail who's done what
I've been college radio play since I was a young buck and me and Crit' were on a come up
License songs for movie soundtracks, sold records, Itunes watch cla**y uncut
Do you even know what a royalty check looks like? No, then shut the f** up
Let's see, you impregnated some dumb s*ut
And as far as being a father, you're not prepared
And got a retarded son that you don't even take care of
Well, you got me there
But he want to make me look old and washed up
Okay, well if you're having any doubts, last I checked I'm never too old to punch a f*ggot in the mouth
Your entire existence is fabricated so it takes nothing to deconstruct you
We can tussle, I'm no gangster but I know gangsters if I need the muscle
You've been bodied by more rappers than Mystique has run through
And the age gap between us is even further proof that it was me who sonned you
I just figured I'd show up today like, "Hey" and end your career
How does it feel to go home at night knowing you'll never get respect from your peers
Son I'll murder you then walk out of Black you never was here
Tip the bartender something fresh then finish the rest of my beer
Son, I am the embodiment of your every level of fear
Get doctors and medical gear the Reverend in here, my people lend me your ears
So at this point, if I haven't made an exceptionally
THIS is the exact f**ing reason I've been a legend for years
Oh! But it's Uno Lavoz. the comedian rapper with hilarious vocal cords
Yo, how are you considered a original when you admit to a gimmick and mama jokes is all we know you for
Always spitting sloppy, chopping sixth grade garbage you need to focus more
Instead of sitting around gossiping about other rappers like a little b**h, why don't you learn how to open doors?
Shots to all my peeps in Europe, what's good? CM's about to go on tour
I got real fam' that I grew up with if I ever needed they would go to war
I don't have a worthless child or owe support to a baby moms you knows a who*e
This ain't bars over jokes or jokes over bars, this is my life over yours
[Round 3: Uno Lavoz] {19:00}
I said, I know a lot of people love me for my hysterical jokes
But this round I'm sorry, I don't have none of my irrelevant quotes
I said cause there's something real crazy I want to share with you folks
So please listen, cause this is some of the realest sh** I ever wrote
I say your generation compared to mine, f** it let's do the match up
You always act like your generation is the highest and we don't have to work ten times harder to get to the top spot and homie that's f**ed
I said, Bulletz, Wise Guy, Tycoon Tax, all the people on this card didn't get paid for the match
So we're the ones who still do it for the damn love
While your generation need over ten stacks for less than nine minutes of their time so you the one leave the scene bankrupt
For example, Vendetta, one of the biggest events that we ever had witness
I said two greatest body bags was me and Bender
I k**ed F.L.O. and he bodied Syd Vicious
After that Arsonal k**ed off Illmac' and proved that in this day and age he really isn't that gifted
Then after that, the veterans of all veterans f**ing Canibus couldn't even remember his damn writtens
Do you get the f**ing point? Do you see my damn hint b**h?
Is that you veterans ain't nothing but sad b**hes that are known for bad business
I said yeah we know you're a legend, so what?
b**h you went from being a legend to a cougar, old f**
I said I'm serious, every time he talk about his day and age it's like, "Bro what are you trying to prove?"
I said every time he talk that sh** it's like a caveman reminiscing about when fire was new
I said you're mad cause the game switched and all of your punches just ain't hitting
It's a shame isn't it? You went from being paid to now begging for change, listen
Now I ain't fibbing, but out in London we had the share the same hotel room cause I felt sorry for this lame b**h kid
Cause he was broke and he didn't have no money so the best way to explain this sh**
Is that you didn't have no funds cause Eurgh didn't feel as though you was a big enough name for him to play for your plane ticket
So f** you, I got my sh** paid for so I'm above you
But the day you realize that, Syd Vicious will realize he ain't sh** but a battle rap zero
Dirtbag Dan will stop using dick jokes and thinking that plan of attack is lethal
I said The Saurus will stop giving out engagement rings at a damn pre-school
And Illmac' will grow some f**ing balls and stop getting bodied by black people
I said everyone s**s your dick, how much more can I take?
I said they tell you you're really good when your performance isn't great
That's why I treat these vets like dogs, cause the only way to show them their mistakes
Is to grab the back of they neck and rub they sh** all over they f**ing face
See one day I'll be obsolete too and they'll move on to something better
I'm not trying to say that you're trash but you aren't clever
All good things must come to an end so you need to stop now before your career moves on a stretcher
sh** Michael Jackson is even dead so even the King Of Pop can't moonwalk forever
I said a lot of people don't know how conceited Madness is
See every time I accomplish something he always gets mad as sh**
Well how 'bout you go on Youtube and examine this
Go s** my million viewed battle having dick
{Organik cuts Uno off}