[Pay Stay]
Did you wanna go first?
[Rone]
Oh you're gonna, you're gonna do that for me?
[Pay Stay]
Yeah absolutely. You wanna go first buddy? Do you wanna go?
[Rone]
I'll go first. f** it
[Pay Stay]
Yeah, make some noise for Rone
[Rone]
Make some noise for Pat Stay man!
[Pay Stay]
I told you I'm a nice guy. Let's start this battle off proper
[Rone]
Check me out, check me out, check me out, check me the f** out
Are y'all ready?
[Pay Stay]
Your voice cracked
[Round 1: Rone]
I said, the first time I met Pat Stay...
He bought me a banana strawberry smoothie
He really did that sh**
So no matter how many fabricated, bullsh** compliments you come up with
We really LIVED THAT sh*t!
(Dawg, this mic...)
Yo, when you walk in a room...people notice
f**ing fireworks surround you
Time slows, we lose focus of everything around you
You're so majestic a f**ing beast that it's impossible to clown you
You're so good looking a man but that's the least interesting thing about you!
Check me out
See, see, I would say that I'm more polite than you
But the polite thing to do
Would be to say you're more polite than me
So check this out {clears throat}
You're probably more polite than me
You're probably better on a bike than me
More nice
More might, more WHITE than me
If we crashed with gorillas and k**ers you're more likely to win a fight than me
Even though you're twice the size of me you're probably light than me
If we put up the same status on Facebook you will probably get more likes than me
Dawg, dawg, dawg
I make personal HOLIDAYS when your battle comes out
I quarantine myself in a room that doesn't have any sound
I close the windows, blinds and doors and start blacking it out
Ritualistically set up my laptop and light candles around
When your opponents rapping there's no reactions allowed
But if they don't go nuts for you I get mad at the crowd
I even cracked a new towel
I laid back in my house after slamming the ground cause I was laughing so loud
You f**ing ANIMAL, SAVAGE, you LEGEND
I am graced just to be in your presence
I will bottle your cum and your blood and your pee just to capture your essence
Your wrists are like bricks, they can barely fit your Timex
Watching this guy flex his biceps it's like he's in hi-def
Is it the protein you digest?
The low weight? High reps?
Did you give away your bed? Do you sleep on an incline press?
I mean you, you can't even...you can't even LIFT with Pat
He shoulder presses fire hydrants
Then picks his beards out with a giant trident like Poisiden
His left nut doesn't get burnt, it shoots a serum that fights the virus
His right nut was the wrecking ball in that vid' from Molly Cyrus
So making fun of your accent is not the positive move
He'll wind up knocking me out with a f**ing shot to the tooth
Whether it's talking about or f**ing talking aboot
If he finds me walking about he'll make me walk in a boot
You're so imposing a figure, you're so ma**ive a force
That you could rob any slob as he pa**es your door
But if Pat ever did this for actual sport
Then f**ing Robin Hood here would just give it back to the poor
But you're-you're good in any hood
Any country, what is this craziness?
A f**ing black hood, a white hood, everyone is great with it
A f**ing poor hood, a rich hood, he fosters all relationships
You could rock a Klan hood at a Panther rally and you would still get away with it
I mean you're a f**ing a beast, a f**ing legend, a f**ing innovator
I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO fu*kING BUY YOU DINNER LATER!
I said, the way I feel about him, man, it's all an obsession
He really could've k**ed me but instead he taught me a lesson
He flipped the script and instead he put me on in a session
So, just to show my gratitude I GOT YOU A PRESENT!
Time baby, let's go. That's a f**ing present from me
[Judge: Quick Matthews]
He bought him dinner. (Tim Horton baby) He actually bought him dinner later like he said he was gonna do. How you feel about the first round? Make some noise if you're feeling Rone. I go by the name of Quick Matthews. Next person up to go, obviously your champ, your local legend, Pat Stay you ready? (I'm ready) Get him son, get him son
[Round 1: Pat Stay]
Alright
I did buy him a smoothie...wish I could take it back
Cause you're already smooth as f** it is and I don't really like wasting cash
His dad and mommy are rich
If I had a body like his I would be an underwear model for Abercrombie and Fitch
f**ing s**y
And he still recycles, how could you hate on that?
Pops bottles at the club and then takes 'em all back
Puts half his money in RSP's so he saves on cash
And drives an environment friendly car that's f**ing great on gas
Boy, I'm gonna compliment you, till you have such a confidence boost
You'll be doing the helicopter all co*ky walking through an NBA locker room
And yes I am implying that their co*ks are huge but that's off topic you...
Hold on!
Hahaha
'm gonna compliment you, till you have such a confidence boost
You'll be doing the helicopter all co*ky walking through an NBA locker room
And yes I am implying that their co*ks are huge but that's off topic
I'm here to talk to you
My little crotch rocket, hot pocket, co*k socket, God you're cute
Straight up, Don Demarco
Hey!
If my girl wanted to cheat on me with you I wouldn't even stop her
I'd scream and holler in excitement for her every time I seen you call her
I'd even drop her off at your house for you and pretend to just be her father
I'd beep and all, I mean just the thought of you being on her, IT'D BE AN HONOR!
LEAN! MEAN! SEX MACHINE!
And with your cardiovascular, you'd be able to go harder and faster than me
Not to mention how long you could last with her
I'd sneak in your room, peeking out through the closet watching you smash at her
Come out applauding you afterwards and go home not even mad at her
Dawg I'd BE PROUD OF HER!
How ya like that?
How ya like that?
Hollering all up in your ear
I'ma send you back to your new high salary, honorable career
You just had a child too huh?
Even brought his daughter with him here
Well I got four words for that ya little hunk...FATHER OF THE YEAR!
All cuddly and happy, ehh mommy and daddy
You're gonna be one wonderful pappy
I went to the baby shower and even though I was late an hour he said it's lovely to have me
How sweet
You let me crash cause I was drunk and didn't want me out driving the streets
Your baby started crying in the middle of the night and you said, "Shut up. He's trying to sleep."
But you're still not nicer than me!
Wanna bet? Well let's go baby
What you know about shoulder pain
Lugging loads of groceries to help old ladies
I'll hold the door for you on your way into work
Stand there 'til you're finished then follow you as you leave
Just to make sure that you get home safely
I'M fu*kING NICE!
POLITE!
HAVE A GREAT NIGHT!
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, HOPE YOU HAD A SAFE FLIGHT!
Try to flex manners with me, I make Ned Flanners look mean
Man, I'm such a true Friend, I just left Chandlers with Phoebes
Manners
Manners
You really think you can outdo me?
Me?
I beg your pardon
Excuse me
Please
Man, do you know how much sugar I've lent my neighbors?
I did my ALS challenge in a cyrogenic chamber
I f**ing cured that sh** too
When I got out you couldn't tell if I got hit with the flu or Sub Zero's finishing move
And I apologize for randomly now just thinking this sh** out the blue
But you're so goddamn pretty and cute I'd f** the sh** out of you
Ha
Please
With your Harvard scholarship
f**ing archaeologist
GPA, highest mark you can get, you're f**ing smart as sh**
You said some pretty nice stuff, how fond of him
But even Sobe's brand said there's no comparing our compliments
Body bag
[Verse 2: Rone]
Alright so what you say, what, that one part you said was true
How one of us got daughters
Like it was actual, factual real sh**, like that is not fodder
But you always been there for me
A f**ing friend, a companion, a f**ing dog walker
So I won't take no for an answer Pat, I'M MAKING YOU GODFATHER!
I said my target's been identified
Gentrified
Gentle guy
Edified, pensive side
Makes my dick look pencil size
I get pissed when people insinuate you're just another guy
I don't know what's more developed, your muscles or your rhymes
Judging from your toned physique, I can tell that he likes spinach
Which improves his cognitive function
He's probably
[Both]
Finishing my sentence
[Round 2: Rone]
f** that
Yo, I mean have y'all seen him do a crossword puzzle?
Whoo! Less than five minutes
I'm barely picking up my pen, he slams his down like, "I'M FINISHED"
And the tats on your neck and your back and chest
Are all handsome and fresh and demand my respect
The lines are so subtle with casual depth
That I find that each ones more bad a** than the next
You're on some super duper action hero movie sh**
That NO OTHER human does
I can't tell if it's sk**ed training or it's just stupid luck
But a fight on top of a train
Hit the tunnel and you would duck
Then roll off at the next overpa** and land on a moving truck
See, one time, I got him a hooker just to show how much I like the guy
Cause I figured he'd light her tail up just like she was a firefly
But instead of f**ing banging her
He's such a nice a f**ing guy
That I found her later and he was f**ing-had her on his knee and he was giving her life advice
I mean, you miss a party that Pat throws your f**ing life's over
He's got candy mountains, chocolate fountains, ice sculptures
Whether you drink or your life's sober
f**ing people swarm like vultures
But the kids are the real winners because he promotes the right culture
Check me, check me, check me
Each course tastes more great when you're dining at your place
From the way that the fork's placed
Each setting is ornate
If you're taking his bar exam it isn't a court date
f** a bottle of Bordeaux, he's gonna uncork crates
Waiters with shorn traits keep bringing out more plates
From the cheese and acorn grate
To dessert, a sorbet, from the [?] cakes
To delightfully warm crapes
He was even feeding me oysters like sh** was his foreplay
From the way that the pork sprays to the way that the Corn Flakes
Encrusted the port steak, motherf**er is GOURMET!
I said, he's GOURMET! HE'S GOURMET AS sh*t!
Yo, he uses his, he uses
(Give him a mackerel)
Should I give a mackerel?
(Here's a mackerel man)
Yo here's a mackerel! Here's a f**ing mackerel!
WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!
Eat it
{Pat Stay takes the mackerel and throws it back into the crowd}
[Pat Stay]
Aye, somebody got struck with a mackerel. Hahahaha
[Rone]
I'm not done complimenting him
I got more compliments
I said he uses his battles and his mackerels for showing off his big genitalia
But he always hides his music, f**ing slick little sailor
Y'all should listen, it makes it seem that Biggie's a failure
You make Mozart look like Iggy Izalea
I said you always hide that sh**
You should shout it from the roof tops
Your tunes pop my jukebox
You're the 2Pac of the Boondox
You're the reason for my crusty tube sock
And a hair doll in my shoe box
You're so smooth that Neil Armstrong is jealous of your moon walk
Yo, check me
Here's a thing or two just to show how much I think of you
I learn how to wink just so I could wink at you
I way I feel about it man...it's all an obsession
He could've k**ed me but instead he put me on in a session
I don't even know how to talk to this legend
So, just to show my gratitude
I GOT YOU A PRESENT!
WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?! WHAT?!
{Pay Stay opens the present and takes out a pink sweater}
[Round 2: Pat Stay]
Most people would say I would kick his a**
You're probably right
But I would never raise my right hand to a man with the body of Christ
However I would nail you...
...to a cross you f**ing f*gs!
As I fan you with a leaf and slowly feed your chocolate covered grapes
But if you did have something to say you'd get punched in the face
I'll come right to your crib...
Speaking of which, I like what you've done with the place
Hard wood floors, new paint, two shades, blue/grey
Perfectly matches the duvet
So nice I damn near left my girl and asked him if he needed a roommate
Heart shapes love seats with a sheek suede couch
To hangout and just cuddle on as you lay down in Shay's Lounge
Potpourri with chestnuts and acorns in the gla**; wow
The decor, you must've been watching gay p**n in the background
That's a compliment!
Aye, aye wait
Bed is made everyday in that special way you do
{claps hands}
Boom, the setting changes to an entertainment room
You an electrician!
Interior decorator now you're a f**ing tradesman too?
What can't you do?!
You're such a man, I wouldn't be surprised if you brang your tools
Look at yourself
You age well, look as if you were in grade 12
So smooth...hold up, hold up, hold up
So smooth I bet that you basil as shaved gel
Athletic, abs shredded, has credit, cash/debit
The dude in the locker room a** naked
You walk by and peek at the last second
Aye, you wanna know something that's kinda weird?
When I look at your sideburns I just wanna tuck 'em behind your ear
I bet you only have to shave a couple of times a year
I'm probably gonna end up f**ing you while you're here
Aye, remember the first time you talked to me and I choked?
Just stuttered and you asked me what I said but I didn't want to repeat it though
You said, "Nah I didn't hear you, what did you say?"
I said, "Ah, I said I just thought that I'd seen a ghost."
But what I actually said was "I wish you and me could reenact the pottery scene from Ghost!"
But I'm not gonna sit here and dwell on what could've been what
I'm just saying those two dudes in that Macklemore video should've been us
Aye
With your Greek god, sweet bod
No pun intended but I bet your bird's so pretty they called it a f**ing peaco*k
Look, I'm not gay but...
C'mon
You know?
Look at how damn juicy them lips is
Beautiful hair, every time he runs his hands through it, it glistens
Shampooed and conditioned and uses nutrition
He's got that nerdy type style, pearly white smile, man who am I kidding?
Hey! Heard you were top of your cla** in track and field
That sh**'s real
Explains your delicious 8 pack of vacuum sealed tight abs of steel
I was outside your hotel door while you were f**ing your girl to see how loud she squeals
Wait until she came out then cornered her against the wall like..."How'd it feel?"
And she said IT WAS GREAT!
She said it was great
You little man who*e
Man, I bet you got so much rhythm you just f** like you're on the dance floor
I couldn't keep up with him, that's for damn sure
A couple leg strokes and my leg's sore
You could probably f** my b**h to that old techno song "Sandstorm"
On fast forward!
He's got an enormous horse dick
It's hard to play sports with cause none of his shorts fit
It has to be picked up with a forklift
Runs up to kick a field goal and slips on his f**ing foreskin
Gets a bo*er and has to pop the highest dosage of ibuprofen
I would know this
[Judge]
Hold on, hold on, that's time. You cut man. You're cut
[Rone]
Nah, nah. Let him finish! Let him go!
{Judge and Rone go back and forth and decide to let Pat Stay finish}
[Pat Stay]
That was so f**ing nice of you
To let me go
I want to hug him and ROCK HIM
What is this? 100% cotton? You must've just washed this
It smells awesome
I LOVE YOU!
Time
[Round 3: Rone]
Yo, so there has been some ah, questionable sh** in this battle
But it's cool cause we know Pat is straight, eh?
Plus, back in school, little Patrick got straight A's
From K until grade 8
Which I think is the same age he lost his virginity f**ing a Playmate
And the way he f**s?
He wants to talk about my s**
THE WAY HE fu*kS!
Like a god from a p**n movie
In fact, I heard you got accused of banging of Thor's groupies
Can we talk about his hair?
Why, could he age more smoothly?
Those subtle grays look f**ing great like a young George Clooney
I seriously, I seriously bet you have the hottest s**
I'm dry hump and repeat
sh**'s mind numbingly weak
His sh**'s 500 degrees
And I can't believe you molested Charron, you sly son of a B
A million questions popped into my mind like..."Why wasn't it me?"
I mean, I mean, first Sandusky wouldn't touch me
Then Pat never felt the D
The fact that no one will molest me is really k**ing my self esteem
I mean, I SERIOUSLY CAN'T BELIEVE that you molested Charron
After all the days and nights I spent texting your phone
All the pictures, all the meme's with the X's and O's
And my face photoshopped on Sylvester Stallone
But still
But still...I gotta say that I admire you dude
To the point that I'd never want to see you mired in gloom
In fact, I would do anything to brighten your mood
Just to see you smile CAUSE IT LIGHTS UP A ROOM!
f**ing, giant, lion sized dude with a giant IQ
You were inspired by Shuffle and Marlo
You know who I'm inspired by? You
Oh f**ing iron size man, I'll f**ing idolize you
I watch from a distance and I hired private eyes too
When I heard that Pat Stay was your best friend
Err-I heard Hollohan was your best friend I got actually pissed
Infuriated, I didn't know that type of madness exists
So now I watch you when you hang with other people alone
And when you go off to use the bathroom
I come and sneak through your phone cause you're perfect Pat
I seriously just think you're sent from above
My therapist calls it crazy but I just think that it's f**ing love!
Pat, what I feel about you
Hold up, off the top of my mind
Well, you're more polished and more honest and more awesome than I
I can see you talking politics, rocking a tie
All that tough guy sh**, I bet it's all a disguise
I felt trauma cause I was ostracized all of my life by the popular guys
But your positive vibe
Your positive vibe
Whoopsies...I just forgot all my lines for a second right there cause I was LOST IN YOUR EYES!
WHAT?! WHAT? WHAT?!
Whenever Pat Stay's with me, nothing compares
When he leaves it's, "Pat stay with me" I'm stuck in dispare
The hot color this season? Any color you wear
I want you to Patrick Swayze, Dirty Dancing hold me up in the air!
The way I feel about you
Man, it's all an obsession
I seriously can't even believe you put me on in a session
I seriously can't even believe I get to talk to this legend
So just to show my gratitude I GOT YOU A PRESENT!
Let's go! It's a nice watch! It's a nice watch! What?!
We got another present!
It's a very nice, it's a very nice watch
[Round 3: Pat Stay]
You said I age smoothly, look who's talking bud
This is an all ages event
You can f** any girl here at the waterfront
Young George Clooney, psst
Fed the same damn fade since grade 11
So I don't appreciate you showing up here like goddamn David Beckham
What, you think just because I'm big I got no feelings?
So much sh** you guys don't deal with, low ceilings
And since I'm tall when I go to shows I have to stand behind y'all
Cause if not, I get f**ing yelled at cause you can't see like it's my fault
What? That's funny?
Huh? That makes you laugh huh?
You know how awkward I look in a f**ing bath tub?
Try to go tan and can't fit in the booth you stand in
So I have to crouch down all creepy looking like a f**ing praying mantis
I hate being so big and huge
Can't fit in fitting rooms
Tag a girl with some little dude and he's got a bigger dick than you
So much pressure and expectation we have to live up to
The things you do we get ridiculed for it limits you!
Like for example
I happen to think that Boston Terriers are pretty cute
But if I get caught walking down the street with one I'm gonna look like a fricking goof
Maybe I'm not a pitbull dude
Maybe I have feelings too
Maybe one damn time in my life I'd like to be the little spoon
Get off of me!
You know how bad I've wanted to play beer pong?
But being so big and all these tattoos, I don't know it just feels wrong
I used to see you guys playing at parties and make fun of you
Acting all rough and tough
But as I watch out the corner of my eye I think, "Man this game looks fun as f**"
Beach volleyball, YEP, sh** looks f**ing dope
Get a tan as you dive and just land in the sand, have I ever done it?
Nope
Too gangsta for that
Too lanky for that
You're the perfect size and you're circumcised
You should be thankful for that
Buddy bag!
That's it. Everyone have a good one or what?
[Judge]
And the winner is...both of them