VERONICA
Bye
(to DANTE)
That was Snowball.
DANTE
Why do you call him that?
VERONICA
Sylvan made it up. It's a blow job
thing.
DANTE
What do you mean?
VERONICA
After he gets a blow job, he likes
to have the cum spit back into his
mouth while kissing. It's called
snowballing.
DANTE
He requested this?
VERONICA
He gets off on it.
DANTE
Sylvan can be talked into anything.
VERONICA
Why do you say that?
DANTE
Like you said-she snowballed him.
VERONICA
Sylvan? No; I snowballed him.
DANTE
Yeah, right.
VERONICA
I'm serious...
A moment of silence as DANTE'S chuckles fade to comprehension.
DANTE
You s**ed that guy's dick?
VERONICA
Yeah. How do you think I know he
liked...
DANTE
(panicky)
But...but you said you only had s**
with three guys! You never mentioned
him!
VERONICA
That's because I never had s** with
him!
DANTE
You s**ed his dick!
VERONICA
We went out a few times. We didn't
have s**, but we fooled around.
DANTE
(ma**ive panic attack)
Oh my God! Why did you tell me you
only slept with three guys?
VERONICA
Because I did only sleep with three
guys! That doesn't mean I didn't
just go with people.
25.
DANTE
Oh my God-I feel so nauseous...
VERONICA
I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you
understood.
DANTE
I did understand! I understand that
you slept with three different
guys, and that's all you said.
VERONICA
Please calm down.
DANTE
How many?
VERONICA
Dante...
DANTE
How many dicks have you s**ed?!
VERONICA
Let it go...
DANTE
HOW MANY?
VERONICA
All right! Shut up a second and
I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't
freak like this when you told me
how many girls you f**ed.
DANTE
This is different. This is important.
How many?!
She counts silently, using fingers as marks. DANTE waits on
a customer in the interim. VERONICA stops counting.
DANTE
Well...?
VERONICA
(half-mumbled)
Something like thirty-six.
DANTE
WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?
26.
VERONICA
Lower your voice!
DANTE
What the hell is that anyway,
"something like thirty-six?" Does
that include me?
VERONICA
Um. Thirty-seven.
DANTE
I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?
VERONICA
(walking away)
I'm going to cla**.
DANTE
Thirty-seven?!
(to CUSTOMER)
My girlfriend s**ed thirty-seven
dicks!
CUSTOMER
In a row?
DANTE chases VERONICA down and grabs her by the door.
DANTE
Hey! Where are you going?!
VERONICA
Hey listen, jerk! Until today you
never even knew how many guys I'd
slept with, because you never even
asked. And then you act all
nonchalant about f**ing twelve
different girls. Well, I never had
s** with twelve different guys!
DANTE
No, but you s**ed enough dick!
VERONICA
Yeah, I went down on a few guys...
DANTE
A few?
27.
VERONICA
...And one of those guys was you!
The last one, I might add, which-if
you're too stupid to comprehend-
means that I've been faithful to
you since we met! All the other
guys I went with before I met you,
so, if you want to have a complex
about it, go ahead! But don't look
at me like I'm the town who*e,
because you were plenty busy
yourself, before you met me!
DANTE
(a bit more rational)
Well...why did you have to s**
their dicks? Why didn't you just
sleep with them, like any decent
person?!
VERONICA
Because going down it's a big deal!
I used to like a guy, we'd make
out, and sooner or later I'd go
down on him. But I only had s**
with the guys I loved.
DANTE
I feel sick.
VERONICA
(holds him)
I love you. Don't feel sick.
DANTE
Every time I kiss you now I'm going
to taste thirty-six other guys.
VERONICA violently lets go of him.
VERONICA
I'm going to school. Maybe later
you'll be a bit more rational.
DANTE
(pause)
Thirty-seven. I just can't...
VERONICA
Goodbye, Dante.