[Crow T. Robot]
I'm confused. Uh, just who is this Godzilla guy?
[Tom Servo]
Yes, wise one. Please, teach us
[Joel Robinson]
I don't know if you're ready for this
[Tom/Crow]
Oh, please Mr. Joel. Please! Come on. Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!
[Joel]
Okay, my little robot friends, but we only pa** this way once. This is called the "Godzilla Genealogy Bop." Would you hit it, Professor Cambot?
In order to know Godzilla, we've got to look into his past
[Crow]
You know studying genealogy is gonna be a blast
[Joel]
Ah, you've got it little robot pal, we're swinging into high
[Tom]
Come on, let's cut to the chase you couple of geeks
And get to the family tree!
[Crow]
Huh?
[Joel]
Well, it started with a nuclear blast and pets that were released
[Tom]
Oh, like--
[Tom/Crow]
--baby alligators and other nasty beasts?
[Joel]
Right
The fusion reaction caused them to grow a thousand times their size
[Tom]
Oh
[Crow]
Well, that explains Godzilla's attractive tail and thunderous thighs!
[Joel]
Right
[Tom]
Ah!
[Joel]
Now you're getting it little buddy--
[Crow]
Ah!
[Joel]
--but now we must move on
[Tom]
Uh huh
[Joel]
Godzilla's not the only one to benefit from the A-bomb
[Tom]
Yeah, look, there's Aunty Ness from Scotland's Loch, they married in the spring
And their first-born was Godzooky, and now we begin to sing!
[Crow]
Godzookie went to Hollywood, an agent to the stars
He had an affair with Lorna Luft and smoked those big cigars
[Tom]
And outta the lusty Luft affair Ron Perlman resulted. Huh
[Joel]
You know, surgery was considered for him, but nobody was consulted!
Oh, I did it again
[Crow]
Then Ron met Yoko Ono, and they began to spawn
A couple of hundred horrible things as green as Forest Lawn
[Tom]
There they are: there's Kermit the Frog
The Swamp Thing, Hulk, and Ernest Borgnine too!
[Crow]
But Ernest Borgnine isn't green!
[Tom]
Well ya put him on a boat and he is!
[Joel/Crow]
What?
[Tom]
Hey! Who's that at the bottom, a-wallowin' in his shame?
[Crow]
Oh, that's just Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame
[Tom]
Huh
[Joel]
To wrap it up, the worst mutation...
[Crow]
No, you don't suppose?!
[Tom]
Oh, yes it is, the horror of horrors--
[Tom/Crow]
--Karl Malden's nose!