I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word c*nt in a song
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
It started as a fart in bed
Well it started as a fart but I sh** myself instead
And the f**in' missus going off her f**in' head
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
And running to the dunny like a ba*tard
Trying to hold it in with me finger up me arse
Skidding past the kids, those little c*nts laughing
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word c*nt in a song
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
No hot water so I had to take a cold shower
Scrubbing sh** from every orifice which took a f**in' hour
Then f**, f**, f**, no f**in' towel
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Pulling on my jeans and tripped
Broke me f**in' nose and split my f**in' lip
Got me co*k caught in me f**in' zip
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word c*nt in a song
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Then driving myself to doctors
Busted and bleeding, co*k swollen and f**in' throbbing
Not a good time to be stopped by the cops
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
The ba*tards didn't even let me explain
Just cuffed me up and hauled me off to jail
No f**in' phone call no f**in' bail
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word c*nt in a song
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
So your honour that's how it is
That's exactly how it started and how it ended all up here
And you f**in' lot laughing ain't making it too easy
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I'm in too much pain to plead
And I don't give a f** if you don't believe me
Just take me out the back and f**in' shoot me please
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Everything that could go wrong did go wrong
So if I'm allowed to use the word c*nt in a song
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
I've had an absolute c*nt of a day
Just another one of them
Absolute c*nt of a day