from my earliest days. a black spot in my memory.
had to learn the wrong ways of love and responsibility.
drop by drop, the sea you'll drown in.
stone by stone, the wall that will close in on you.
I was fed with doubt and suspicion.
pushed down, pushed away.
getting used to be pa**ed around.
looks can be so deceiving.
hard shell, soft heart.
i turn that principle the other way around.
an anxious child in the ruined body
of an aging man. a gravely mind.
I'm speaking with a black tongue.
dropping words like gravestones.
in your lovely neighborhood.
200 pounds of questions.
200 pounds of second thoughts.
thirty years of expectations.
thirty years of wasted time.
and there are 200 pounds still waiting.
take a look at 200 pounds you can't betray.
and i look back at thirty years of sorrow.
i remember thirty years of hate.
so here i am, face down.
with an endless list of questions.
repeating my words again and again.
and again and again.
I didn't care for myself since i can't remember when.
a bag of bones that carries only pain.
in my dreams i'm a different man.
relieved from all burden.
relieved from all fears.
relieved. relieved.