I was sitting in a diner with a girl named Flo
She wouldn't say yes but she couldn't say no
She said "Darling, can I get a middle man?"
She was engaged to a fellow on the lay a way plan
But she carried all her money in a coffee can
She said "Darling, can I get a middle man?"
The cook looked over with a short order face
Dropped a fork and he saw Flo's legs
Straightened his apron and burnt my eggs
I got competition everywhere I go these days
She was leaning on the juke box and was lookin' real good
Like Natalie Wood on a Pontiac hood
I said "Darling, I think I need a little hand"
Ya see, I've seen my downs, I've seen my ups
I seen miniature dogs in coffee cups
But "Darling, I ain't never seen a middle man"
Flo talked slow like real wet paint
She said "A middle man's there when the other ones ain't
He's got a left handed manner that leans to the right
Sleeps all day and keeps it up all night.."
I got an aunt in Ohio and a boat that won't row
Some veterans insurance and nowhere to go
"Darling, Can I be your middle man?"
If I could get the money in that coffee can
I could open me up a lemonade stand
Send all the kids off to Pakistan
Make Flo happy, if I can
Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode
Are gonna buy me a house in Hollywood
"Darling, I think I got the perfect plan"
"We're gonna save half a dollars and sell 'em to France
Buy us a record and learn how to dance
And "Darling, I'll always be your middle"
Darling, go buy a griddle
Darling, I wanna be your middle man