[Verse 1:]
I don't know how deep to go
But I'ma let it all out so come peep the show
Got my first Xanny of my mate, I ain't gonna say his name
It was fun at the start, I used to treat it like a game
This around the time when The Nebulizer dropped
I was on all types of sh**, but there's one I couldn't stop
And it played with my brain, but I focused on the music
I focused so much, didn't realise I abused it
Never had a plan to stop, not in that prediction
Going through fame, couldn't see I had addictions
1 turned to 2, turned to 3, turned to 4 then I need about 6 a day, a little bit more
Mixing it with lean, gotta stop people seeing
What damages can be by looking at me, sh**
What to do cause I feel like a fool and I hate any rapper making Xannies look cool
sh** was getting bad I was filled up with hateful
Thoughts in my mind, I would argue with April
Agreed I would stop, sh** I'd give it a go
By the first f**ing night, felt like slitting my throat
Second night, my body shaking
The ambulance appear and I'm thinking in my mind, what the f** they doing here?
Suddenly I'm caught up and there's no time to muck round
Lucky I got here, cause my body ‘bout to shut down
[Verse 2:]
Back to square one, nah man you can't quit
You gotta wean yourself off, that's some hard sh**
What the f** man, my brain is a mess
I can't remember that much, feel the pain in my legs
I wish it was that easy, I could give up and go
And people still got the hide to tell me pick up my phone
Maybe that's my fault, I didn't speak on it much
I didn't see if as a problem, I would keep it from c*nts
Rates could always tell, when I couldn't pronounce certain words, brain dead
Yeah should I be proud?
Anxiety was k**ing me, the doctors couldn't deal with me
Put me on a program cut me down on the pills and weed
All scared, cause I feel on my own
I told ‘em “let me chill', now they think I'm dissing them bro
Waking up tired, I gotta take more pills
And I didn't even wanna take ‘em, is this f**ing for real?
Losing touch of myself, it's like reality's false
It's like I'm walking around without having a pulse
It's a feeling of d**h, or like nothing is left
Cos there I'm holding my chest, just put a hole in my head
You see the older I get, It's getting scary as f**
I'm like an eighteen in the head, I weren't aware of those d**
The sh** that they cause, I talk to mirrors on walls
I don't need this sh** ever, but to pills I will fall
[Verse 3:]
I opened up on ‘No Rest' told c*nts everything
That I done ice, didn't leave out anything
I quit that sh**, yeah I left it flat dead
That was 5 years ago, they still think I'm a crackhead
If that's what we going off, f** me dead
In 5 years I'll be clean, they'll be calling me a Xanny head
Funny how the world works for a paycheck
Once the fame hit, I became a train wreck
I wasn't sh** anyway, so why does it count?
Why so many people love me? I can't figure it out
But I'm telling you now, don't you follow my path
Look you couldn't if you tried, cause I'm going in hard
f** a poppin a pill, just to go out today
How'd I end up like this? I don't know, it's a way
Well I'm blaming the fame, yeah I said it before
But it's enough to make me high, feel like ending it all, but I
[Verse 4:]
Brush it off got my fans on my side too, and my girl and my brothers
And the whole crew
Spilling the truth, it's like all I can do
That's why I don't have time for rappers that are saying they're true
When they lie to their fans, apologise in the end
I never lied to mine and this is why I'm the man
I tell you what I'm going through, I don't care what they think
That's why I'm triple popping pills, leaning over the sink
I'm almost f**in crying as I'm writing this sh**
Cos of all my close ones, and the lives I affect
I came from the bottom, I made it my problem
Created the option, now fame has adopting
My brain gotta stop it, insane I am not this
Strange we got Scott sick, imma watch a clock tick
Just f** off, I said it just f** off
If I won't have my tablets I'll find a bridge to jump off
f**ing idiots, thinking that the sh** is cool
‘Till they dyin' in the vomit of there own drool
What I meant to say? Don't do what I done
I've cut down on the program, yeah I've won
Repped it from the street, turned into a star then
Caught a f**ing habit on the Xanex but the bars went
Crazy and I'm just dealing with fame
I just want my fans to know that I'll still be the same. I'm good