(Charley types on a typewriter. Frank slams down the piano keys in frustration.)
[FRANK]
How's it going?
[CHARLEY]
Good. You?
[FRANK]
Fair
[CHARLEY]
Yeah, tell me
(Phone rings.)
[FRANK]
(Answers phone.)
Chinese laundry
[MARY]
(Also at a typewriter, into phone.)
Hi!
[FRANK]
Mary!
[CHARLEY]
Say hello!
[MARY]
I think I got a job!
[FRANK]
Where?
[MARY]
True Romances
[FRANK]
Posing?
[MARY]
Thank you. Writing captions
[FRANK]
What about the book?
[MARY]
What about the book?
[FRANK]
Nothing, are you working on your book?
[MARY]
Yes
[FRANK]
Good
[MARY]
No
[FRANK]
Mary!
[MARY]
Right, I know, yes, me and Balzac!
(She hangs up. They all resume work on their typewriters and piano.) [CHARLEY]
I finished the one-act
So where are we eating?
I'm doing a rewrite
I rewrote the rewrite
I'm meeting an agent [FRANK]
I got an audition
Rehearsal pianist
The publisher called me
I saw My Fair Lady
I sort of enjoyed it [MARY]
I started the story
I'm moving to Playboy
My parents are coming
I threw out the story [ALL]
We'll all get together on Sunday
We're opening doors
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days
On a dime
That faraway shore's
Looking not too far
We're following every star
There's not enough time!
(They continue working.) [CHARLEY]
I sent off the one-act
I dropped out of college
They're doing my one-act!
We started rehearsals. [FRANK]
I called a producer
He said to come see him
I'm playing a nightclub
I rewrote the ballad. [MARY]
I started the story
I met this musician
I'm moving to Redbook
I finished the story
I threw out the story
And then the musician
I'm moving to Popular Science [ALL]
We're opening doors
Singing, "Look who's here!"
Beginning to sail
On a dime
That faraway shore's
Getting very near
We haven't a thing to fear
We haven't got time!
(They go back to work intensely.)
[FRANK]
How's it coming?
[CHARLEY]
Good. You?
[FRANK]
Done!
[CHARLEY]
One minute!
[FRANK]
(The phone rings and Frank answers it.)
Hamburg Heaven!
[MARY]
(into phone)
Hi!
[FRANK]
Mary!
[CHARLEY]
Say hello!
[MARY]
I got another job!
[FRANK]
Where?
[MARY]
Chic
[FRANK]
What's that?
[MARY]
A brand-new concept:
Pop-up pictures
[FRANK]
What about the book?
[MARY]
What about the book?
[FRANK]
Did you give the publisher the book?
[MARY]
Yes!
[FRANK]
Good
[MARY]
No...
[FRANK]
Mary!
[MARY]
Look, I-
CHARLEY
(He rips the paper out of the typewriter.)
Finished!
[FRANK]
Let me call you back
[MARY]
(She hangs up.)
Right
[CHARLEY]
This is just a draft
[FRANK]
Right
[CHARLEY]
Probably it stinks
[FRANK]
Right!
[CHARLEY]
I haven't had the time to do a polish...
[FRANK]
Will you sing!
[CHARLEY]
Right...
(Reading from his lyrics)
"Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat?
Who wants the garbage cans clanging in the street?
Suddenly I do!"
(They are now auditioning for Joe Josephson.)
"They're always popping the cork"
I hate that line...
"The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks
You gotta have a real taste for maniacs
Suddenly I do!"
[JOE]
That's great
That's swell
The other stuff as well
It isn't every day
I hear a score this strong
But fellas, if I may
There's only one thing wrong:
There's not a tune you can hum
There's not a tune you go bum-bum-bum-di-dum
You need a tune to go bum-bum-bum-di-dum
Give me a melody!
Why can't you throw 'em a crumb?
What's wrong with letting 'em tap their toes a bit?
I'll let you know when Stravinsky has a hit
Give me some melody!
Oh sure
I know
It's not that kind of show
But can't you have a score that's sort of in between?
Look, play a little more, I'll show you what I mean ?
[CHARLEY]
"Who wants to live in New York?
I always hated the dirt, the heat, the noise
But ever since I met you, I-"
[JOE]
Listen, boys
Maybe it's me
But that's just not a humumumumumumable melody!
(Joe begins to leave.)
Write more, work hard
Leave your name with the girl
Less avant-garde
Leave your name with the girl
Just write a plain old melodee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee... [CHARLEY]
They're stopping rehearsals
They ran out of money
They screwed up the laundry
We're being evicted. [MARY]
We lasted one issue
My book was rejected
My parents are coming
I saw the musician
I'm having a breakdown. [FRANK]
The nightclub was raided
I have to start coaching
My wallet was stolen. [ALL]
We'll all get together on Sunday
They're slamming the doors
Singing, "Go away!"
It's less of a sail
Than a climb
That faraway shore's
Farther every day
We're learning to ricochet
We still have a lot to say
[FRANK]
You know what we'll do?
[CHARLEY]
What?
[FRANK]
We'll do a revue
[CHARLEY]
What?
[MARY]
What?
[FRANK]
We'll do a revue of our own!
[MARY]
What?
[CHARLEY]
Where?
[MARY]
Why?
[CHARLEY]
When?
[FRANK]
Not just songs, but stories, scenes, piano pieces, mime!
[CHARLEY]
Yeah!
[MARY]
Frankly Frank!
[FRANK]
A showcase of our own!
[CHARLEY]
Where?
[FRANK]
The club's reopening
[MARY]
We'll write a lot of new stuff
[CHARLEY]
Rewrite old stuff
[FRANK]
What about the girl?
[CHARLEY]
What about the girl?
[FRANK]
Only that we're gonna need a girl
[CHARLEY]
Well, Mary-
[MARY]
Thanks, I don't perform except at dinner
(A girl auditions for them.)
[GIRL]
"Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat
Who wants the garbage cans clanging in the street"
[FRANK, spoken]
Thank you for coming
(A second girl, Beth, steps up.)
Next eight, please
[BETH]
"They're always popping their cork"
[FRANK, spoken]
(to Ted)
Up a tone
[BETH]
"The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks"
[FRANK, spoken]
Up a tone
[BETH]
"You gotta have a real taste for maniacs"
[FRANK, spoken]
Thank you. You're hired
[BETH]
I'm Beth
[FRANK]
I'm Frank
[BETH]
I really thought I stank
[MARY]
I'm Mary
[CHARLEY]
Charley
[FRANK]
By the way
I'm told we open Saturday
[CHARLEY, MARY, & BETH]
What!
[MARY]
You're not serious!
[CHARLEY]
Nobody's ready!
[FRANK]
Apparently someone cancelled a booking
[CHARLEY]
The songs aren't finished
[MARY]
And what about costumes?
[BETH]
And how do I learn all these numbers?
[FRANK]
I'll bring you the copies of everything later this evening [BETH]
Okay, but I'll have to have all the music, and
Saturday I've got to sing at a wedding. Oh
God, is there dancing, 'cause I'm not a dancer [CHARLEY]
Not to mention I still haven't finished the
Synanon song or the Kennedy number
And what'll we do about getting publicity
Run around town putting stickers on windows [FRANK]
You don't have to, we'll segue the
End of it into the dance we cut out
No, we'll use it but not with the long introduction [MARY]
And have we decided or not on the restaurant sketch?
I need two or three days to replace it [ALL]
We'll worry about it on Sunday!
We're opening doors, singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime
That faraway shore's looking not too far
We're following every star
There's not enough time!
We're banging on doors, shouting, "Here again!"
We're risking it all on a dime
That faraway shore's looking near again
The only thing left is when
We know we should count to ten
We haven't got time!
We haven't got time!