I know that Causation—
The elusive b**h—
Isn't the same
As Correlation
Because, at present,
In this land o' chips an' salsa
An' sweet-scented pepperoni pizza—
Violent video games are as commonplace
As the seagulls that flap, fly, squawk, and sh**
Over the great landfills of our fathers—
Or as the tubes of toothpaste—
Crust at the plastic nozzle—
Stains on the porcelain sink—
And because their teeth,
However ugly or revolting,
Aren't rotting in their mouths
Or even falling out at an alarming rate,
I know that the kids who play these fantastic games—
The ones who feel more at home on otherworldly battlefields—
Aren't shooting and k**ing each other to an extent that we can make
A grim connection between the two
And I also know—
With reasonable certainty—
That televangelism and obesity are
Undeniably AND inseparably connected—
From fat a**es to even fatter wallets—
From trailer park trash to multimillionaires—
Like the marriage of peanut bu*ter and strawberry jam—
Two of the best possibilities for a sandwich that anyone could ever want