As a child I was always into building things
Backyard clubhouses that only a select few could enter
Elaborate maze like forts
My room was almost always deeply hidden in the back
I've gotten good with these hands
Some days, Some days y'all I think it's all in the blood
See my grandfather, my grandfather repaired pianos for a living
He could not play them very well but it was his job to make them sound pretty
I love a women the same way he fixed pianos
Before the music, somewhere between silence and sound
My hands a sonata of questions
Her body all the right answers
Beautiful, then slow, then all of a sudden like moonlight
She says she loves the way I use these hands
The times I've ma**aged her back as if her spine was the only prayer I'd ever need
When I've played in her hair and found freedom in her locks
When I've held her gently beneath her jawline and kissed her mouth as if her smile was a winning lottery ticket
Listen, my father, my father said as he always did when I was a child that he would come pick me up
I waited outside for hours
Watched the sun go dim, I'm still not sure if I'm talking about the star in the sky or myself
I never been able to trust anyone since
I love like a brinks armored truck
I move around like peoples are only trying to get close enough to exploit my flaws
I push everyone out
I have close friends who have never seen the insides of my apartment
Long term girlfriends who my family members don't even know their names
See recently, recently I've been diagnosed with depression
And there are days when my heart feels like it's slowing itself
When the lonely feels like both the problem and the cure
No one has extra concern for the boy who seems like he has it all so I smile big because I know how easy it distracts from the dark
And I just want someone to love me hardest when I least deserve it
Because those, those are usually the moments when I need it most
And now the love of my life just wants me to breathe
And honestly I wish it were that easy
Most days the drowning feels much like a cool drink of water
And who am I to ask her to drown just to keep us afloat
But honestly who am I not to
When our love feels so much like breathing
It is a crumbling church house still worthy of all the prayer
Do you have any idea what it's like to be absolutely in love with someone you think will leave you?
To wake up everyday thinking THIS, THIS, THIS is the day she realizes she's too good for me
So I pushed her out too
And she finally left
She had enough and I don't blame her
I would've left when I first saw the smoke
Wouldn't have waited for the entire house to burn to the ground
I don't know how to let her go
I'm still just the 8 year old boy on the porch...
Just waiting