Let's meet contestant number 1
He's a schizophrenic serial k**er clown
Who says women love his s**y smile
Let's find out if his charm will work on Sharon
Sharon, what's your question?
Contestant number 1, I believe first impressions last forever
So let's say you were to come over to my parent's house
And have dinner with me and my family, tell me
What you'd do to make that first impression really stick
Let's see, well I'd have to think about it
I might show up in a tux but I doubt it
I'd probably just show up naked like I always do
And look your mama in the eye and tell her f** you
Hurry up b**h I'm hungry, I smell spaghetti
I pinch her limpy a** and tell her get the food ready
Your dad would probably start trippin' and get me pissed
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his f**in' lip
It's dinner time, we're hearin' grace from your mother
I'd pull a forty out and pour some for your little brother
I'm steady starin' at your sister, I'll tell you this
You know for only 13 she got some big tits
After that, your dad would try to trip again
And only this time I'd put the 40 to his chin
After your mom does the dishes and the silverware
I'd dry f** her till I nut in my underwear
Now let's meet contestant number 2
He's a psychopathic deranged crackhead freak
Who works for the dark carnival
He says women call him stretch nutz
Sharon, let's hear your question
I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotion
A man who expresses himself in his own special way
Number 2, if you fell in love with me
Exactly how would you let me know?
First thing, I could never love you
You sound like richy b**h yo, f** you
But if I did, I'd probably show you that I care
By takin' all these other motherf**ers outta here
I'd go through your phone book and wack 'em all
Then find contestant number 1 and break his f**in' jaw
(What?)
Anyone who looked at you would have to pay
I'd be blowin' f**in nuggets off all day
I'd grab your titties and stretch 'em down past your waist
Let 'em go and watch 'em both spring up in your face
I'd sing love songs to ya the best I can, get ya naked
And hit it like a cave man
Then we go to the beach and walk through the sand
I throw a little in your face and say I'm just playin'
As you spit it all out I rub your back and grab
Your underwear and wedge it up your a** crack
Well, it sounds like contestant number 2 is just overflowing
With sensitivity, Sharon, it's a tough choice so far
Sharon, let's have your last question and see
Which one is gonna win the rights to your neden
Okay, if we were at a dance club and you both noticed me
At the same time, tell me, how would you each
Get my attention and what would your pick up line be
Whoever's the smoothest wins
Okay, first I'd slide up to the bar and tell you
That I can't believe how f**ing fat you are
I'd tell you that I like the way you make your titties shake
And if you lost a little weight you'd look like Rikki Lake
f** that, you'd be jackin' me quick
I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick
And then to get your attention in a crowded place
I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face
Yeah, freak her with your nuts, yo that'll get her
Tell her that she's fat, yeah that'll work even better
Look, f** you, I got a strong rap sh** you don't want
He's mad whack, I walked into a bar and there he was
Standing on a bucket tryin' to f** it
It was a big f**ing smelly a** farm llama
Damn dawg, how ya gonna dis your mama?