CRAB IN A BUCKET
Sometimes I feel like a crab in the bucket with sickness in my stomach and insecurities disguised as strengths closed at the hip waiting to be tucked in. The juice drips out of my soul but it remains tasteless, toxic toxins poison my intent but my emotions locked in a tent and when asked about my poisons I say since that day I taste less. Drown him in a pool of his lost memories, so goes his mind with his bad dreams and his positives lead to disguised remedies. I dream of a day when my voice is heard and doesn't fall upon deaf ears stands on its own boasting proudly instead of screaming at dead ears
I envision a vision when it doesn't take 20/20 vision to pin down the problem with perfect precision, a time when the blood dripping from my arm can be accepted as is instead of disguised as a depressive self inflicted incision. I imagine gin that doesn't sting my throat like a fifth of moonshine, ironic that something stinging my throat like the knife has me hung over on what seeps through my teeth lines. Memories fall upon a lampshade like my p**n collection in the damn third grade, early starter you may lay that claim until I yank my lawnmower and use the bottom of it as a f**in' self defense blade
Warp a condom into your brain so you can say you've been mind f**ed, nevertheless I sever limbs and sharpen blades and make it look efortless, self inflicted wounds to my stomach disguised as tummy tucks. I travel on an interpersonal course because I don't give a literal f**, celibate in nature but naughtier than a treacherous destruction spawned by the edge of my dick as offspring drops to to the water seeping through painfully like a Russian with a shredded partially mutilated schmuck
Straying away from the violence, I'm not violent I'm just a lost soul touring this world in search of guidance, metaphorically painting master pieces of masturbation while shooting the details into your ears, just my way of saying f** my peers
AFTERNOON REFLECTION
It was better the way it used to be says recollections of prior perceptions, it seems since inception my obsession with depression has my heart fully closed but the edge of the cliff undressing. While I don't stroke often I did jack a piece of mind that I'll gladly swim in, taking lessons but somehow lessening the flow of my backside because of knives that cut me in the beginning
The knives dragged and sliced from my shoulder blade to the soles of my ripped up shoes, ironic that the soles of my shoes kicked the sole reason for my slightly eroding soul disguised as a damaged child left in the shadow of trauma, but in reality suffering from socially hidden karma, but don't worry he's only bruised. He hasn't been used, abused and refused, continue to believe that he isn't even close to sacrificing his adam's apple to the noose
Continue to believe he's gotten over all his demons, escaped all his memories and lives in a world free of a contradiction-free jesus. Pricey expectations left on his conscience clutter the words he utters, he bobs his head to what feels right and places a price on the ambidextrous capability that only inflict his arm and none other
THE PLAN
Many days I've spent building up my persona, but I never constructed a superiority complex. Many times I've reflected and many books I've read but I knew it all depended on context. I'm not perfect nor do I have a score to worry about or a who*e to f** around with once or four, times but my time is running out even though I don't have the skin color that people wish for or dream about
Racial barriers are easy to draw lines with, but sometimes the arrows end up squiggly and written in pen, once we draw them we can't erase them. Even when we aren't artistic we can always sketch out our dreams, and even when we fear those dreams we can flow through these obstructions with the fluidity of a bilingual stream. I remember the first time I sat down and tried to k** myself but even as I sit you aren't even restless enough to understand, and I remember the first time I planted these ideas and they grew into something much bigger than originally planned