I lost my father at 9 and my mother at 12 to a disease called Aids,
I didn't even have the words to describe my feelings at that age,
Sad, Hurt, Dazed,
Shocked, Confused, Enraged
Looking back now, really I was ashamed, and afraid,
Ashamed that I became an orphan,
Ashamed that I felt unworthy of love and belonging,
Ashamed when birthdays, school plays, Mothers and Fathers Day, and every family
holiday came around,
So, Ashamed I often lied and said my parents were out of town,
Afraid of what the future had in store,
Afraid of being a young boy with only my grandmother's support,
Afraid of being seen as pitiful and weak,
Afraid of people thinking I had the disease,
In a way I did, but not the same,
The disease of Fear and Shame,
It made me hide behind lies,
just to disguise, my inner pain,
It left me dancing in the rain,
until I was no longer a human being,
The more I stood silent, private, and held things in,
The more the disease gained strength,
Strong enough to grab a hold of me,
Strong enough to take complete control of me,
It wasn't until I found the outlet of poetry,
That I built the courage to vocally,
demand fear and shame to let go of me,
Looking back, I now realize,
That even though the wounds of my parent's d**h seemed to be healed on the externally,
My entire life I was bleeding internally.
The Power of Shame,