[Verse 1]
All my life I've been good
Do what my mom and dad and God say I should
Go to church and Bible School
To live by God's rule
So whatever people tell me
That The Bible tells me
I will do
Walk the halls of high school with my purity ring
Unlike those other girls, I've got my morals in check
It was easy to do until I got a boyfriend
And pardon my French, but he's cute as heck
But I made a pact
To keep my hymen intact
And Jesus and I are tight
Never learned about the birds and the bees
I was taught to keep an aspirin in between my knees
Cause The Bible says premarital s** is wrong
But Jason says that guys can't wait that long
I don't want to lose him
To someone who'll do him
I need to figure something out
Well there's a loophole in The Scripture that works really well
So I can get him off without going to hell
It's my Hail Mary, full of grace
In Jesus' name we go to fifth base!
Oh, thank you for making me holy
And thank you for giving me holes to choose from
And since I'm not a godless who*e
He'll have to come in the back door
Therefore
[Chorus]
f** me in the a** cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a throbbing rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see
[Verse 2]
It's hard to be as pure as me
To resist the urge to lose my vaginal virginity
To wait until my marriage bed
To give my husband my unsullied maiden head
So take your co*k out
Shove it in my a**
f** me until you come
Oops! I mean let's join our souls
And unite our bodies
And fly with the wings of God
Whatever you do, don't touch my cli*oris
If you ring Satan's doorbell, God can't ignore this
And no prophylactics when you put it in
Cause birth control's for s*uts and it's a sin
I've emptied my bowels
And laid out the towels
I'm ready for romance
Now I'm praying to the Power that's the Highest
But of all of my holes, this one's the driest
And we can't procreate if we an*lly copulate
And God is OK with sodomy, but only if you're straight
And I'm staying pure, no matter what
So I'm OK with everything but...
Everything but...
Everything bu*t
[Chorus]
f** me in the a** cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of a rock hard rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see
[Verse 3]
I do whatever The Bible tells me to
Except for the parts that I choose to ignore
Because they're unrealistic and inconvenient
But the rest I live by for sure
So let's not talk about how the Good Book bans shellfish, polyester and divorce
And how it condones slavery and k**ing gays because those parts don't count, of course
Let's cherry-pick the part about losing my cherry and mine it for ambiguities and omissions
To circumvent any real sacrifice, but still feel pious in my arbitrary parroted positions
And don't you dare question my convictions
And don't look closely at the contradictions
Just focus on the sacrificial crucifixion
And have faith in its complete jurisdiction
As the only way to measure if you're good or not
And in a debate, just say to “have faith”
Because when you're up against logic, it's the only card you've got
So close your eyes
Take a deep breath
And..
[Chorus]
f** me in the a** cause I love Jesus
The good Lord would want it that way
Gimme that sweet sensation of an irrational rationalization
It's just between you and me
Cause everyone knows it's the s** that God can't see
Yeah, my chastity belt has locks
But sometimes you need to think outside the box