There was a little woman And she had no house or home So she found herself a forest A new pasture for to roam She was a lady A lady in the woods God gave her the woods But he took away her legs Some people mistook her for a stump But she was definitely a lady A legless lady in the woods When you’re living in the woods There’s a lack of luxury She didn’t have scissors couldn’t cut her hair It grew so long it got tangled with the weeds on the trees Shе was a longhaired, legless lady in thе woods She had nowhere to be So she always took her time She took so much time If you were to describe her with a word You might say she did lollygag She was a lollygagging, longhaired, legless lady in the woods A lollygagging, longhaired, legless, lady in the woods God took so much from the lady But in turn, gave her a tree A lemon tree And she su*ked those lemons every day Which made the rubberiness of her lips go away Her lips were so loose but she loved those lemons She was a lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired, legless Lady in the woods And did we mention that her name was Linda? Linda the lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired, legless Lady in the woods An unhappy woman was she She had no treats or toys But if you told her a dick joke It would bring her so much joy So low brow Low brow Linda She had no other company So she talked to the trees She didn’t choose words just a whooshing sounds
And the trees knew what she means Yeah she could talk tree She was Linda the bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods And she produced milk like you’ve never seen She was Linda the lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods Ahh mmm All those forest nights alone Can wreak havoc on a woman’s libido So she found herself a lizard love And that lit up Linda’s heart But that lizard found another lizard And that lying little lizard left her She was Linda the lusty, lizard-kissing, lonely, lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods There’s more A wizard of a woman was Linda She was the master of the lute And she did write songs She loved writing song Lugubrious songs She wrote this song And she’d warble these songs into the wind In the hopes that someday someone would find them And luckily for Linda they fell in our ears So we sing to you her lachrymatory lyrics To continue her legacy Her legacy, her legacy She also loved liquorice She was Linda the liquorice-eating, legendary, lyrical, lugubrious, lachrymatory, lusty, lizard-kissing, lonely, lactating, bilingual, lowbrow, lemon-loving, loose-lipped, lollygagging, longhaired legless, lady in the woods Yeah Linda was a lot