Well here's a song I've written specifically for you
Who sit out in the audience and talk through all I do
I cannot understand it 'cause I'm pretty good you see
So there must be something wrong with you; there's nothing wrong with me
You're a bloody rotten audience whilst I am very good
If brains were made of oak and ash then you'd have balsa wood
I'm ethnic and authentic and I'm really full of cla**
While you're ignorant, you're cultureless, you're philistines en ma**
I'm an artist and authority on music and what's more
I'm incredibly informative on folk songs and folklore
I'm a wonderful performer, and so you all must be
So bloody thick and stupid not to like the likes of me
You're a bloody rotten audience whilst I am very good
If brains were made of oak and ash then you'd have balsa wood
I'm ethnic and authentic and I'm really full of cla**
While you're ignorant, you're cultureless, you're philistines en ma**
I'm a folkie and that's obvious; you can tell it by me clothes
And when I sing traditional, I sing it through me nose
And if you persist in talking every time I sing a song
I'll fix you with "Bold Robin Hood"; that's eighty verses long
You're a bloody rotten audience whilst I am very good
If brains were made of oak and ash then you'd have balsa wood
I'm ethnic and authentic and I'm really full of cla**
While you're ignorant, you're cultureless, you're philistines en ma**
And when I sing contempor'y, me heart and soul is pure
I must be bloody brilliant 'cause me writing's so obscure
My hero's Lenard Cowen, I dig him perfectly
But I must be so much better because no one here digs me
You're a bloody rotten audience whilst I am very good
If brains were made of oak and ash then you'd have balsa wood
I'm ethnic and authentic and I'm really full of cla**
While you're ignorant, you're cultureless, you're philistines en ma**
But now I'm going to leave you, 'cause I feel I'm wasting time
Could possibly we wasting yours, so you must be wasting mine
And let me tell you now that I'm not up here for me health
So if you don't come and pull with me, I'll go and pull meself
You're a bloody rotten audience whilst I am very good
If brains were made of oak and ash then you'd have balsa wood
I'm ethnic and authentic and I'm really full of cla**
But underneath it all I'm just a pain in the flipping a**