Spoken:
A lot of people ask me, stupid f**in' questions.
A lot of people think that, what I say on record, or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life, or that I believe in it.
Or if I say that, I wanna k** somebody that, I'm actually gonna do it, or that I believe in it.
Well sh**, if you believe that, then I'll k** you, you know why?
'Cause I'm a criminal
Criminal, you goddamn right
I'm a criminal
Yeah I'm a criminal
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head, whether you're a f*g or les
Or a h*mos**-, hermaph- or a trans-a-ves
Pants or dress, "Hate f*gs?", the answer's yes
h*mophobic, nah you're just hetero-phobic
Starin' at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (Ooh!)
That's my motherf**in' balls, you better let go of 'em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em
Hey it's me Versace, whoops somebody shot me
And I was just checkin' the mail, get it, checkin' the 'male' (clicks tongue twice)
How many records you expectin' to sell
After your second LP sends you directly to jail
Come on relax guy, I like gay men
Right Ken, give me an amen ( AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing
'Cause, I watch TV and Comcast cable
And you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
With a brand new CD for these f**in' retards (Duh)
And to think, it's just little ole me
Mr. Don't-Give-A-f**, still won't leave
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
My mother did d**, hard liquor cigarettes and speed
The baby came out, disfigured ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby 'cause that baby was me
I'm a criminal, an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the f** you s'posed to grow up when you weren't raised
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to f** you up quicker
Than you'd wanna f** me up for sayin' the word
My morals went *thhbbpp* when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee, now don't ignore me you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white blonde-haired and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die in plane crashes
And laughs as long as it ain't happen to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em-
-inem and Kim combined, *kch* the maniac's in
In place of the doc, because Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin' his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me k** him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thing put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh
I'm a criminal
Spoken by Eminem, Dr. Dre, & (Teller)
Aight look... Uh huh?
Just go up in that motherf**er, get the motherf**in' money and get the f** up outta there. Aight.
I'll be right here waitin' on you. Aight.
Yo, Em! What?! Don't k** nobody this time! Aright!
God damn, this motherf**er gets on my f**in' nerves.
*Whistling* (Hi!) How you doin'?
(How can I help you?) Yeah I need to make a withdrawal.
(Okay.) Put the f**in' money in the bag b**h and I won't k** you!
(What? Oh my god, don't k** me!) I'm not gonna k** you b**h, quit lookin' around.
(Don't k** me, I have two kids at home, don't k** me.) I said I'm not gonna f**in' k** you, hurry the f** up!
*BOOM* Thank you!
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it, I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Then fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die b**hes, ba*tards brats pests
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his a** yet
If I ever gave a f**, I'd shave my nuts
Tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck *Clucking*
You motherf**in' chickens ain't brave enough
To say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut
sh**, half the sh** I say, I just make it up
To make you mad, so kiss my white naked a**
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a f**in' rapist in a Jason mask
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
I'm a criminal
'Cause every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime to tell 'em what's on my mind
I guess I'm a criminal
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird and keep goin', I don't take sh** from no one
I am a criminal