We were playing a late night party game after the rest of the party guests had gone home—
Me and Tanja and Tanja's boyfriend and my husband—
Tanja said, "Okay, what's your deepest regret?"
I looked at Tanja.
Tanja was looking at my husband.
I looked at my husband.
He was reclined in a chair with our dog.
Tanja and Tanja's boyfriend and I were all seated around the same round table.
My husband started to say something and then stopped.
Tanja and her boyfriend told people they had been together—"off and on"—
Six years.
My husband and I had been together—"off and on"—for thirteen.
We had just celebrated our fourth anniversary.
We were living in separate houses in the same city.
Sometimes that summer we had worn our wedding bands and sometimes we hadn't.
I was wearing mine now but I wouldn't be wearing it tomorrow.
"Don't think, just answer," Tanja said.
"Well," my husband said.
I could see what he was thinking; he was thinking his deepest regret was marrying me.
I couldn't make out if he was wearing his wedding band or not.
Tanja thought I was kidding.
"You guys are just joking," Tanja said.
"No," my husband said. "She's right. That was what I was going to say."
I don't know why but I wasn't that bothered by my husband's answer.
"It doesn't bother me that much," I said to Tanja.
"Maybe we're just super honest with each other," I said.
"How honest are you guys with each other?" I asked Tanja.
Tanja looked at her boyfriend.
Tanja said, "I don't know."
Later Tanja's boyfriend kept saying "are you mad?" to Tanja.
Tanja's boyfriend seemed to worry about Tanja being mad a lot.
My husband was falling asleep.
My husband got up and went to bed.
Tanja and Tanja's boyfriend and I were still sitting at the table.
In an hour I would get in bed next to my husband.
The night after that I would get into bed alone.
It didn't bother me that much.
I'd stopped worrying if my husband was mad at me.
It didn't seem like he worried anymore either.