'Ok um, we've been doing this a lot in Edinburgh, this has been a poem that's meant a lot to us over the years, it's Paul's special poem.'
'Yeah Pauly little Pauly, and listen before he says a word, not a f**ing word pixie, oh sorry Pauly but look before he says a word, it's a poem but that doesn't mean he's a weak person or anything like that. Ok'
'Don't do that Rich, you'll have mildew growing across my body when you do that, I'll toilet duck myself after that. Look ah, we have been giving it a miss over the last couple of nights but it is because it's a tribute, to Scotland. Um ah we wrote it on the plane coming over, and it's a piece that, god I dunno, somehow the words just I… just fell out of us onto the page, we didn't even have to think about it, it was wild when we wrote this. We sat down and suddenly the whole thing had almost magically written itself before, you know we had touched down here. Um and it's a poem about Scotland, and about the brave Scottish people, and.. yeah I found that rather funny myself. Brave Scottish people I can see why you found that funny.'
'Get the boot off please!'
'Oh Jesus yeah, of course yeah.'
'Scotland the only country in the world to win no Olympic medals ever, well done Scotland!'
'Still, keep trying, you know keep trying and ah, anyway this is about the Scottish people, who've never won in the Olympics, and ah..'
'I mean even the f**ing Gowans can get up.'
'Whoa they're in there with a f**ing chance at least, anyway it does go out to all the brave Scottish people and ah, this beautiful, beautiful land of Scotland, broad brown land of Scotland, and it's simply entitled… Scotland. Hope you like it, we wrote it….'
'That hurt!'
'Sorry I couldn't quite catch that one, ah..?'
'Was it go back to Australia and f** off, which one?'
'Go back to Australia and f** off, or f** off and go back to Australia? Ah?'
'You come here with your f**ing fancy dancing proclaimers accent and pretend to be Scottish, I know for well you're in the Middle Sex Theatre Company son! There are never any Scottish people in the Assembly Rooms, this is the Edinburgh Festival!'
'YEAH!'
'They're all English you can beat the sh** out of them later. As you've identified yourself now, Bravo Bravo absolutely smashing'
'And surprise surprise the Christians were English too'
'Yes, right on, Greenham Common ladies'
'This is for the brave Scottish people, and for Scotland, and it is called, Scotland'
'Whether you like it or not, so…..'
'Yeah!'
Imagine there's no England
'hang on, hang on, you'd need a much longer Euro tunnel then…'
Imagine there's no England
It's easy if you try
No Wales, no Northern Ireland
Above us only Skye
Imagine all the people
Living life in Leathe, yes yes yes yes!
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I am not the only one
I hope one day you join us
And the world can live in Dunfirmline
'Thank you very much, whoa!'
'Scotland be proud, be proud Scotland'
'there's always another Olympics. I went to school with a boy by the name of Michael Hunt, we nicknamed him f**head.... damn'