[Verse 1]
All the secrets we have shared
Have moved to a couple better paired
So if he impales himself on javelin or spike
I will try my best to be the perfect lookalike
And if he wants to be smart
And enter a property quiz
Every weed in the garden's mine
But the lawnmower's his
Every weed in the garden's mine
But the lawnmower's his...
[Chorus]
And if his manhood needs the help of scaffold or even a winch
I will gladly supplement that extra little inch
And if it ever reaches tie-break at the property quiz
If they've got my fingerprints on, they're my tits and fanny, not his
If they've got my fingerprints on, mine, not his
[Verse 2]
Now you've found someone new
May I watch him do what I used to do
So if he dies an ugly d**h or even if he faints
I'll be there at the window with my face pressed up against
Maybe I shouted too loud
Maybe you were blissfully deaf
But I hope he's a better sport
Than he was a ref
I hope he's a better sport
Than he was a ref...
[Chorus]
[Verse 3]
I hope he likes to fly
And is a good host to every guest
'Cause there's less chance of dying in a crash
Than being bored to d**h
Yes, there's less chance of dying in a crash
Than being bored to d**h
[Chorus]
[Outro]
Now you've found someone new...