Today I am sad there is not a specific occupation called goat extractor.
Also I am leaving my wife. She is not supposed to know this, even though I think she already does.
"I'm going to a baseball game this weekend...with Earl from work," was all I said.
Yesterday she picked out new drapes for the living room.
Today she ordered a new loveseat.
Last night I caught her looking at my side of the closet.
There is adultery in her heart, I know it.
My 30 hours of TiVo space for the next month are already gone.
Before leaving for the game I said, "I'll call once I'm in the city. Thanks for the sandwiches Mary."
She closed her mouth and flinched a little just above her cheeks. I saw her pushing all of that movement behind her eyes. I tried to kiss her. She just watched my face and didn't move her lips. I stopped. I felt like I was back in 8th grade.
"You've had that shirt a while," she said.
"Let me cut your nails."
She had bitten them all down except for three on her left hand. They were long and soft and no matter how hard I tried they wouldn't bleed.