ZACK
Bet this really takes you back
KYRA
I could never find yours, Zack
NADIA
Excuse me
MATT
What the hell is that?
RORY
It's a piñata, Matt
LUCAS
Put it there instead
KYRA
Wouldn't want to hit your head
NADIA
I wrote a song for us to sing
ZACK
They'll be here any minute
RORY
I need tape
LUCAS
Got cups?
MATT
A plate?
NADIA
When I go like this, we'll begin it
RORY, NADIA & KYRA
Happy birthday Ivy, you are the special birthday b**h
NADIA
We go you some Vagisil to help clear up that nasty itch
PETER
That's pretty, Nadia
ZACK
She'll love that
ALAN
Towels, stat
LUCAS
She's gonna die
NADIA
If we should be so lucky
PETER
Be nice
NADIA
Why?
RORY
Mary Jane made some brownies. They're dope
KYRA
My favorite
RORY
Mine too
LUCAS
Oooh! Spacecakes
PETER
Cool! Who made these?
RORY
Does he know?
LUCAS
Please
PETER
Know what?
ALAN
I need a cup
ZACK
I may have to crash here tonight there's no way I'm gonna make it home
NADIA
What the hell, the bed's still warm, 'cause Ivy never sleeps alone
Same old gift from different givers; throw the dog another bone
MATT
Time to go
LUCAS
Sorry, bro
MATT
Are those her panties?
KYRA
Yes, indeed
LUCAS
Guess who's horny?
JASON
Him
GIRLS
Agreed
LUCAS
Open shop, take all you need
NADIA
I would wear three
MATT
Maybe I'm not being clear...
DIANE
They're here
LUCAS
Quiet
ZACK
These are so good
NADIA
Sing out, Louise
ALAN
Guys, where are all the cups?
ALL
Shut up
1, 2, 3, 4
Happy birthday Ivy, you're the ugliest of all
You are the worst and most perverse to roam Cecilia's hallowed halls
Your mother was a hooker and your father was a dick
He poked her in a toaster and the pair produced a pig
Whose brain is awfully tiny and whose a** is awfully big
Happy birthday b**h! Happy birthday b**h
Happy birthday Ivy, b**h, b**h, b**h, b**h, b**h
NADIA
Then they took that little b**h and they f**ed her in the a**...
Sorry
MATT
Happy Birthday
DIANE
Matt planned the party
MATT
Some of it
IVY
Thank you, this is very sweet
MATT
She's loaded, what happened to her?
TANYA
You told me to 'keep her busy'
PETER
You don't wanna play?
JASON
Nah...why are you so happy?
PETER
I wish your piñata were that big
JASON
You do know those are pot brownies?
PETER
Oops
'Want to go back to the rave
The two of us dancing together
Out there in the open
So then what's stopping us now?
I hear our song on the radio
And I don't care who knows
JASON
Lower your voice...
What is wrong with you?
PETER
I think we're missing so much
Jason, I wish I could shout it
Shout how much I love you
JASON
Hey
IVY
Hey, you any good with a stick?
JASON
What have you heard?
IVY
Come help me
JASON
Sure... give me one sec'
PETER
Don't go
JASON
Peter, stop
PETER
God, but the rave
JASON
-Was different
We don't live in a rave
Look, you have to stop acting like this...
PETER
Like what?
Your boyfriend?