I'm a firm believer in math
& having just completed a statistical an*lysis
Of the course of my friendships
Over the period of X to X'
That is, ie., since we met
The numbers show that everyone who was my friend
At point X, whom I introduced to you
Is no longer my friend, but now instead
Is a friend of yours
To correlate my results
I undertook fieldwork of a participant oberver nature
I introduced myself to you as someone else
Then, when I wasn't around
I asked you about me
& I carefully noted your responses
Plotting them against the same answers when
Posed by me
And this is the result
Thought you were my friend / But I was wrong No one but myself to blame / So I
Blame you / Backstab! / Stabbed myself in the back