[Verse 1]
After you listened to the 0 Days mixtape
You thought "T's great, since first grade when he first displayed"
Well I think that was just the beginning
And that project wasn't really that much to begin with
I'll tell you anything, let's go back
Let's travel to the land where T was happy and didn't hear rap
It was 9 years ago, before my first suicidal thought
J told me "Listen to eminem he sounds great bro"
So I did it, it was rock, metal, and two Em' songs
And I said "Hell T, this library is too wrong
You know you like rap, so why you only got two Eminem songs and the rest from f**ing rockstars"
So that's what happened with my music
And then there i was, standing at the balcony trynna not to lose it
Trying to control my first suicidal thought
Should I throw myself or eat a cookie and forget, I dont know
I ate the cookie, and that was it
And after that i wasn't supposed to expose it but f** it
I only was nine, and I thought of suicide
As a way to lay my brown a** aside from my troubled mind
Fast forward to sixth grade, twelve age
My only friend in school is mad so i meet Wax's rage
Trying to choke myself with a f**ing fanny pack
Cuz I'm so alone, my sister left and she's not comin back
And my man is mad, my voice is wack
Somebody squared up and I ran, f** it, I'm not even black
Psht, it didn't even work
I was close to dying but then I f**ing f**ed it up
I'm not strong enough, I still dont have the balls
To meet my fate, heaven's great but hell's the place I'm going to
[Verse 2]
Seventh grade, rage is building in me again
Living in pain, having everything but not feelin great
Feelin like a waste, but I play games and forget it
Think about d**h and instantly regret it
Fast forward again, let's go to nineth grade
Meet Six Gays and everything's great til the last bit
Tried to win but im lost
Lose the nineth grade and that motherf**in rage doesnt stop growin up
And im growing up with it
Trynna write lyrics but only write gimmicks, losing years minute by minute
The second nineth grade I was sunk in depression
I mean more than usual, study? I didn't do none
All the year I was only discovering music
And at the end I was wondering how im supposed to not lose it
And at the end I'm trapped in my bedroom
Had to do homework or lose again and I said no
I had no time to do that sh** so I went downstairs
And grab the first poisonous object to k** myself
And there it was a f**ing insecticide
Ironically I'm a roach and I drunk that motherf**ing can
But I got scared and told my parents about it
They took me to the hospital and they both are soundless
[Verse 3]
Another fast forward to this year
My brother died and I go insane and did the same sh** again
And the f**ing same sh** happened again
So I said f** this method, I'm trying another way of sin
And then I hang myself, but got scared one more time
Untied before I died, cuz Wax is lying
I dont need this sh**, but Wax tries to control me
I may be the best mc but the devil haunts me
All I can do is remember the good times of wayback
And pray to the lord to get my smile back