[Intro]
You got a £20 note?
Give us a £20 note
I'm gonna wrap this up yeah
Oi geez giz that mirror
Pa** that mirror please
Give us that mirror please
Na that one's all for me mate
It's all for me
If you want some you're gonna have to..sort yourself out
Uh
Yeah
[Verse 1]
Now they say I'm too big for my breeches
Apparently it's not intelligent to burn bridges
Through history they've always burnt witches
Nowadays it seems that we just earn riches
Got an iPhone full of pictures of b**hes
Don't tell my wife cause snitches get stitches
Smoking spliffs with Sid Vicious
Hand on my heart, none of this is fictitious
Told him, if you see left eye, send my best wishes
What can I say, I'm overly ambitious
In the kitchen but not washing the dishes
On the stove cooking up something nutritious
All my patrons say my food is delicious
That's why the future looks so auspicious
f**ed this chick last night and she was from Mauritius
Didn't wear a rubber though and now it itches
Could this be the cause of these nervous twitches
Don't know for sure but I'm getting suspicious
This sort of living I couldn't of have envisioned
Done so much Charlie that it's blurring my vision
About to get a suit fitted by a mortician
It's not bad, just means we've come to fruition
Management are sick of seeing me in this condition
They wanna pull the plug like an electrician
No f**s given cuz I don't audition
Got all the way here from Adobe Audition
You can s** my dick, yeah you have my permission
Listen
[Interlude]
You know when I was young
My uncle used to beat the sh** out of me man
Belts, canes, whatever he could get his hands on, the c*nt
I used to pray every night that something would happen to him, something horrible
So he would feel how he made me feel, you know
And one really rainy day on his way home from work
He crashed his motor into a tree
The crash didn't k** him but the car burst into flames and he burned alive
Witnesses said they heard him screaming for help for minutes until he eventually let go, right
They said you could smell the burning flesh for miles man
I never told anyone about this until last year
When I got smashed on Tequila and ended up telling my bird like
She got all emotional and starting crying
You know, she squeezed my hand like really hard
And said "You see? You see God is great!"
I was baffed like
I said "Why? I never prayed to God in my life..."
[Verse 2]
I'm in the sticks like Pat Jennings
And my girl's tits bigger than Kat Dennings'
I got a half ounce in my black denims
No say it's leng so you know how that's smelling
Tottenham, just like Lennon
One, drop me on the doorstep like John Lennon
Cause I'm f**ing more b**hes than Ellen
Travelling the world just like Magellan
Uh, I'm selling, my pockets are swelling
Man are well jel and that's why they're telling
If you want this half, to get you off your melon
Just give me the score like Jeff Stelling
Yeah it's CAS but it's not Ca** Pennant
Na, walk through the ends so many c*nts breading
Same c*nts who be talking sh** and spreading
These slags want deading
Their heads want lead in
See me at the festivals, Leeds, Reading
With more envelopes than a Greek wedding
Yeah it's hot so I watch where I'm treading
I don't need the wellies though, I know where I'm heading
Tonsil tennis with Jess Ennis
I'm holding the mandy, like Les Dennis
When I get on it I'm a menace
It's drama, it's drama, it's the merchant of Venice
Slum lord, bumping my tenants
Big can of Tennent's
Drugs to sell to everyone in attendance
You paid a fortune, I paid a pittance
When you see the price tag you're bound to have kittens
I shot to the fat one in Atomic Kitten
Katona or whatever her name was
I sold her some weight, she lost some weight, she's no longer famous
Or in my radius
I'm in a green Honda Accord
Pushing three keys like I'm playing a chord
From a place where you get bored
And people stand round an applaud
People take what they can't afford
Forcing who*es into doing card fraud
From young, we're taught to terrorise for sport
That's your wife yeah, well she's a right sort
Man will take her without so much as a thought