[GHOSTS:]
EVERYTHING WAS SWELL
UNTIL SOMEONE SPLIT THE DARK MOON
THEN SOMETHING STRANGE BROUGHT ON A CHANGE...
[E. GADD:]
E. GADD TO LUIGI! AM I COMIN' IN CLEAR, DO YOU READ ME?
BAD sh*t'S HEATIN' UP LIKE FONDUE
GONNA BEAM YOU TO MY CRIB LIKE TRON DO
THESE GHOSTS SEEM UNASSAILABLE
DON'T WORRY THEY'RE STILL INHALABLE
KINDA WANTED SOMEBODY LESS FAILABLE
BUT YOUR BRO MARIO'S UNAVAILABLE
[GHOSTS:]
STEP INTO THE DARK!
FIVE NEW SPOOKY MANSIONS!
[E. GADD:]
GOTTA STOP DAT KING BOO
‘CAUSE HE BROKE UP THE WHOLE DARK MOON DUDE!
NOW HE'S BRINGING THAT NEW BOO VOO DOO
EVERYBODY'S IN DEEP DEEP DOO DOO
THE GHOSTS IN THE VALLEY ARE SUPER-PEEVED
DO YOU HAVE TO WIPE YOUR NOSE RIGHT ON YOUR SLEEVE?
[GHOSTS:]
COME BE OUR SPECIAL GUEST IN ONE MORE SPOOKY QUEST
[E. GADD:]
I NEED SOMEONE WHO su*kS!
[GHOSTS:]
AND YOU su*k THE BEST!
[E GADD:]
THE BEST! YOUR su*kING BEATS THE REST!
GET YOUR FACE OUTTA THAT TOILET BOWL
YOU GOTTA SAVE A LITTLE CLINGY-ASS TOAD
THAT AIN'T CONFETTI COMIN' OUT YOUR HOSE
JUST SKIN CELLS, MOLD, OLD BOOGERS AND GHOSTS
ADD MAGIC TO A SPOOKY HALL
SHINE THE RAINBOW LIGHT OVER ON THE WALL
AND THAT'S LIFE, ‘CAUSE AFTER ALL
SOMETIMES YA JUST GOTTA su*k SOME BALLS
[GHOSTS:]
STEP INTO THE DARK!
34 NEW MISSIONS!
[E. GADD:]
YOU REALLY GOTTA BE OCD
LIKE THE WORST GUEST AT AN AIRBNB
GET GOLD, GET CASH, GET BLINGS
THEN PAY ME TO UPGRADE MY OWN THINGS
A GOLD BONE? THAT'S AN EXTRA LIFE
YA BETTER DIG FOR GOLD LIKE DONALD TRUMP'S WIFE
LOOK AT YOU BRINGIN THAT BADASS JIVE
BURNING A HARMLESS ARACHNID ALIVE
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD?
THIS PLANT HAS FEELINGS BUT YOU'RE LIKE
[LUIGI:]
DEAD
[E. GADD:]
USED TO BE YOU WERE THE GENTLER BRO
SMARTER AND NICER THAN MARIO
GIVE YOU A VACUUM AND BOOM BANG POW!
LUIGI: YOU'RE THE MONSTER NOW
[GHOSTS:]
COME IN FOR GHOSTLY SCARES
SPEND HALF THE GAME ON STAIRS
SAVE MARIO AGAIN, BUT THIS TIME HE CARES
HE CARES
FOR ONCE HE REALLY CARES