Yo, it's your boy Brandon "The Crow" Lee. This world is f**ing crazy. Caught in a vicious cycle of life as a young boy. Uh, this song goes out to a very special person. That special person happens to be my sister Alyssa. Check it out. Yeah, damn, I can't believe that my sister pa**ed away. I still feel shocked like I'm shot in the head. I woke up and cried until my eyes turned red. I wish it was a nightmare that I just had. It's been 7 years since you've pa**ed away. And I was only 11 when you left the family and I behind. I still remember waking up to a really loud knock at the front door of the house. The person knocked so on the door so hard that I jumped off of the living room couch that I was sleeping on that fateful night. After the person knocked, I stood up and looked at the door as the person said "Rob, I need to talk to you!" At that moment, I knew that the person knocking at the door is a police officer. Then, I turn to my left and hear my dad say "Hold on. Let me put on a shirt." Next, I ran to my bedroom quickly changed my clothes and then layed on my bed. I was extremely alert. My eyes were wide open. My heart beating fast. And it's like I became more aware of the surroundings. I tried to listen to what my dad and the police officer were talking about. I heard things like "...there's been an accident with your daughter Alyssa. "...she got into a car accident right around the corner from your house." The family and I spent about a month in the hospital for you while you were trying your hardest to stay alive. A lot a specialists came to the hospital you were staying at and tried to save your life. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. Our parents made me stay at grandpa's house for like the first 2 weeks you were in the hospital. I was literally dying inside to see you while I stayed at grandpa's house. Also, it makes it even worse that you got into a car accident 4 days after my birthday. And it tops it off that you literally got into that car accident 2 minutes from the house. Been going out of my mind. Look, I really feel lost without you. It feels like you were just here. It's like you and I were just laughing on the weekend. That was your goodbye, I guess it just sinked in. No words that I can jot with the ink pen to describe the way I feel, I guess I'm still grieving. I never got a chance to say goodbye while you were still alive. And it f**ing k**s me every second of evryday to know that I really never got a chance to say goodbye when you were still with us. Your existence makes earth a better place. When things become difficult, and every effort seems to bring disappointment. Positivity, persistence and perseverance will see you through. I wish that I could bring Alyssa back. She didn't even know how much she meant to me. And that was wack that I couldn't even express it until she's laying on her back at her f**ing funeral, when I didn't know how to react. And I didn't know what to say when I was standing by the side of your casket staring at you. Only thing that I could think was "God damn this is sad." God had another plan for you that was better. I said a prayer to you and the whole family. The trouble is, you think you have time but you really don't. Keep the mind full of positive thoughts and positive results will follow. Negativity will try to enter. Kick it out. We rise by lifting others. Always keep it real. A broken heart can heal, but that doesn't mean there's no scars. They who don't understand your silence, will probably never understand your words. Sometimes all we need is a hug to make us realize that everything will soon be alright. Sometimes, the harder you want to forget something, the more you seem to remember it. Be strong when things fall apart. Strength is when you have so much to cry for but you prefer to smile instead. The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about. Sometimes, the only reason why you won't let go of what's making you sad is because it was the only thing that made you happy. The happiest people with the biggest smiles are sometimes the best actors. Why do we close our eyes when we pray, cry, kiss or dream? Because the most beautiful things in life are not seen but felt by the heart. Rest in peace sis, you my home girl forever. Yeah, I know you living in the sky. I wish I had a better way to tell Alyssa bye. Make sure you cherish every moment that you spend with your people, because you never know tomorrow they could die. Uh, you believed in me homie. Yeah, and for that I thank you. I know you in a better place, probably up in heaven cracking jokes with them angels. You'll never be forgotten as I'm writing over violins. I feel alone like I'm on my own island. I think about my sister every day, like I'm at a loss for words, as I drown in the silence. Time is ticking, yeah, it's ticking away. I waited all my life to say: "My misery hates company. I'm at a loss for words. That's a first for me. Silence is golden. Go through the motions. Silence is golden. The same colour that my throne is." Rest in peace Alyssa. I love you. I miss you more than you will ever know. I won't ever forget you. I wish I could hear you now. Now my broken heart is the only thing that's broke about me. So many people should have seen what I got going on. I only want to put my heart and my life in songs. Writing about the pain I felt with Alyssa gone. About the emptiness I felt when I sat alone. About the happiness I feel when I rap it loud. What will I say when my kids ask me who my sister was? I thought about it for a while and I'm at a loss for words. Knowing that I'm going to live the rest of my life without her. I found out a lot of things I never knew about her. All I know is that I'll never really be alone, because I got a lot of love and a happy home. I still remember people from the hospital even though I rarely meet them. Don't you know I miss the times when we used to hang? Before a single heart was broken by a single blow. I grew up with a lot of love in a happy home. I realize privacy's becoming difficult. It's all right now but what about when I'm old. I know my good friends, now they'll last. The same ones that stood by me when my sister pa**ed. I write a lot of songs will anybody ever read them. Who's going to stand who's going to fall, I really want to know. I had the perfect sister, I want to be the perfect brother. Though I really feel sometimes I'm on my own. I know I got a lot of love and a happy home. You don't know how many times that I done prayed for you. I hope you hear me, goddamn it. Because I got so much sh** that I want to say to you. I used to shine, now I'm all in the dark. But I'll forever be attached to you, damn. Now you're gone, you done left me so helpless. I wonder what God thinks. I hope you in God's place behaving yourself. And my mind is spinning, this is the line finish. I know that you can hear me, all I need is like five minutes. I just wanted to reach inside the casket and pull you out. Tell me what d**h is like. Was it meant for you, Alyssa? They ask how I'm living though, I said, "I'm a-okay", but I'm not okay. How much more can I take? So much sh** on my plate. And you're in my way, my way, yo, people say I should talk about this. I don't talk about sh**, I just rap about it. When a song comes on, they all ask about it. I tell them it's a story, it isn't really about me, I made it up. Things can never ever go back to how they were. The dynamic with my family has always been weird. I don't like to be home, I'm liking the road, f**, I'm rambling now. Uh, how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got? Everything I went through you were standing there by my side. Yeah, we came a long way. You know we started. The love will never get lost. Rest in peace to the dead
Brandon "The Crow" Lee
I'm gone