I work down at the pizza pit
and I drive an old Hyundai
I still live with my mom and dad
I'm five foot three and overweight
I'm a sci-fi fanatic
A mild asthmatic
Never been to second base
But there's a whole 'nother me
That you need to see
Go check out my space
'Cause online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate
And I love a good gla** of wine
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
So much cooler online
I get home, I kiss my mom
And she fixes me a snack
And I head down to my basement bedroom
And fire up my Mac
In real life, the only time I've ever even been to LA
Was when I got the chance with the marching band
To play tuba in the Rose Parade
But, oh, online I live in Malibu
I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ
I'm single and I'm rich
And I got a set of six pack abs that will blow your mind
It turns girls on that I'm mysterious
I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious
'Cause even on a slow day
I can have a three way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date
Let alone a real girlfriend
But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight
Everytime I log in
Online I'm out in Hollywood
I'm six foot five and I look damn good
And even on a slow day
I can have a three way chat with two women at one time
I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online
Hey, I'm so much cooler online
Yeah, I'm cooler online