[Round 1: Bender]
Little man take lessons
This is the kind of performance that makes legends
So consider this a great blessing
You'll have your name mentioned in the same sentence
So you battles got the replay value of a lottery ticket
But there's a couple moments that we got to revisit
One, you called The Saurus a statutory rapist
Trying to win the crowd with some inflammatory statements
You were only mad he'd ever had a shorty naked
Who didn't ask him for a payment up in cash before he laced it
This man is corny, tasteless, average, boring, basic
Bland and formulaic, vastly short of greatness
Stand before me shaking, shake the hand of you replacement
Think you can ignore this blatant fact sadly you mistaken
Besides, we all seen you trying to mack on those teenagers
I bet you got a ripe young Catholic schoolgirl for a screensaver
Picture him at the bus stop waiting for 'em after cla**es
He plays it like a game of Blackjack... over 17, he pa**es
Yo, y'all remember that Chilean mining accident months had transpired
So they could lower down a rescue team hooked up to a bundle of wires
Now you got jealous every time they pulled up a survivor
Cause no one ever applauded when you dug out a minor/miner
Now, I'm sorry to stoop to his level with all these pedophile jokes
But we all saw that footage of you jerking a 17 year old
And you tried to f** with Charron, why?
Because of that dome line? It was nothing to go cry
About grumbling the whole time, pick on someone your own size
At least someone your own age
I'm double your whole weight, but that's something you won't try
After that you knew you weren't f**ing with Loe's rhymes
You went digging dirt with hopes you'd discover a gold mine
Desperate to go find just a couple of dope lines
But found nothing til this puppet said f** it and told lies
But that's just what the desperate do, destine to
Reveal themselves as destitute
That's the second right there I lost all respect for you
Not even on some battle sh**, we all saw down to the depth of you
So when you try to jump in the cut and get no shine or no love
When we snub you in public you'll know why b**h made
But he's like that with his boys, that's something we all know
If you think he skimping on grams the way Cane comes/cums in a small dose/Dose
And on behalf of battler rappers everywhere, f** off with your cheap merch
No one wants to wear your busted three dollar T-shirt
Mother f**er, I got nothing to lose
I will piss on your ride like Detroit Velvet Smooth
[Round 1: Arcane]
I'ma need y'all to shut the f** up, all eyes front and center
I'ma give y'all something to remember
Witness your number one contender
Get dismembered then discovered in a blender
Y'all made me wait 4 months for this sh**?
Dough boy could've got dummied in September
But Bender been in school trying to finish up another semester
That's why I laugh when Schooly D rapping 'bout criminal violence
He's a full time student, he majors in Political Science
So how you go an rap about horror
When you dream of a planet without war?
You ain't a fan of gore, Al, you a big fan of Al Gore
That's why I keep the chain, cause I'm fresher
I'll crack your frame under pressure, you wanna trade with an expert
I'll leave you laying in a stretcher, it's 'Cane versus Bender
Til I beat the sh** out the big guy with the beard
Make it look like this was 'Cane versus Lesnar
If y'all people thought I was gonna lose, let me snuff the misconception
I ain't come here to battle, I came to teach this f**ing b**h a lesson
I don't need to bust a Smith & Wesson to give his stomach indigestion
If you suppose to be a Bender, I'm the f**ing intervention
See talk is cheap, he went online 'bout how he gon' and try and body me
The next day he sobered up and sent me a f**ing private apology
I guess Bender's blowed the most on dope
And wind up comatose and choke
Well this Bender ends with a 'Cane like you overdosed on coke
'Cane straight bugging, so how you think you could ever insult me?
With those irrelevant multi' when you ain't saying nothing?
I ain't got the AK dumping
But if this b**h getting close to me the blade may cut him
Get him stitched like upholstery
See I could do that style, but I got better bars
I don't need to let the metal spark
I swing blades on this sling blade and leave machete scars
You ain't rookie of the season
But since you like those similes and metaphors
I'll beat 'em til this old p**y stop bleeding like menopause
Maxed out credit cards, stuff him in a truck of rental cars
With severed arms, seven large weapons charged like Bender bars
And when duke gets all amped up and his voice starts getting louder
"That's when Bender gets to sounding like a Monster Truck announcer!"
[Round 2: Bender]
Now basing on the tapes of your performances
And the way that you're distorting sh**
I'm surprised you haven't claimed I've jerked a horses dick
While raping 30 orphans in some crazy German p**no flick
Cause I can't even keep track of all the lies you've fabricated
For a one dimensional rapper, that's one wild imagination
That's why no artists respects him, I'm Mozart resurrected
If you're in deep sh** the Coast Guard would need sonar to detect him
Tell mister to hop in a go-cart and go start up the engine
Or end up in the O.R., picking bone shards out your tendons
Cold hearted, I think like a loan shark that's collecting
You've got no bars for the most part and so far its pathetic
See I can appreciate when a rapper like you goes hard in a session, but nine times out of ten
That's just a hoe starved for attention like postpartum depression
Now I think it might be a bad year for some of you divas
Y'all sent this Ikea cashier to f** with the meanest
See me cut'em, deconstruct'em into hundreds of pieces
And put him in a box complete with the instructions in Swedish
See he ain't even good on the Ave where he lives
This little runt crack a smile see Cane get jacked for his sh**
Drum sampler style, they take the hats and the kicks
And if sons acting wild the chain gets snatched, just like this
Sorry player, brought swords and sabers waging wars my nature
'Ganik just threw a fish to a k**er like a Orca trainer
If I'm short on paper swarm on Cane just to he's just a source of paper, you're a raver
You beating me is 'bout as likely as Spike Lee getting that mule and forty acres
We could go another round, I'll give you extra time like poor behavior
The organ taker, co-ordinate your fate when I storm the gates you can't afford to wager
I'll lock jaws with a Florida gator who the f** is you?
Your whole crew funny style like George and Kramer
See I'm a cannibal rapper, northern Vordul Mega of course I'm greater
Then this corny flake, got punchlines forming craters
You're in mortal danger, bow down, pray to your Lord and Savior
I ain't even wasting Gloria Gainer, George LaMajor, Norman Bates or Norman Mailer
Maury Schafer, and the foreign Vega or the real Noriega swarming at the hornets lair
My name got more buzz then Cane, you must be buzzed on 'caine
To think you nice, you should have tucked that chain
Someone explain to stupid you can't test a f**ing genius
With a mushroom cloud for a brain and a Tesla coil for a double helix
Now he's panicked that I wrote this, braggadocios magnum opus
And you'll notice that he's stoic as this moment fast approaches
But that's all an act, balderdash, he knows his chance is hopeless
That titles on as respected as the mother f**ing man that holds it!
Straight bars, no bullsh**!
Let's go!
[Round 2: Arcane]
I know I got haters
And now I know you were gonna say I make up fake sh**
But nah that ain't true, it's only twice I got bad information
Bender's just mad cause
He's been working on an album his whole life called "Bad Information"
You mad cause the one time I drop bad information, I still made 'em believe
When Bender drop bad information, he gave 'em away for free
Cause it's a 4 track CD-R that came in a paper sleeve
And for those of y'all who don't know
Some bullsh** happened when Bender battled Scott Free
Question, if the judges at the venue voted against you
How'd you body in three?
Cause Loe Pesci overruled the decision
Made it what he thought it should be
That's why that video featured some special guests at the end that were not in your league
Straight up, ya boy Pesci tried to tamper with the evidence
I already made an example of ya president
Now you think his henchman can handle me?
I'm dismantling his penmanship
Cause lyrically you get buried with gunshots
When I battle I don't need my president to jump in and pull a Harry from Jumpoff
That Presidential cosign won't help you get a loan at the bank f*ggot
Not when you look like Tank Abbott with a f**ing crank habit
If you so intelligent, why you always making irrelevant threats?
Rocking that huge beard to cover his chin
Cause it looks like a f**ing pelican's neck
I don't know if that hobo swagger comes from some weird type of genenome
But I swear I seen this dude manicure that mange beard with a flea comb
Always wiping his filthy sleeves with his snot nose
You smell like the cheese off a nacho
Bender, you're such a dirty hippy you probably got fleas in your ponchos
And this motherf**er, it's true, he's actually from the 905
And I got homie that knows you from St. Catherine's
He told me you were just only that lonely overweight fat kid
My homie seen you everyday back then
He told me you were the quiet type, no balls
You didn't pipe no broads or incite no brawls
You just loitered in the husky section at White Oaks Mall
That's true, he told me your best friend back then
Was homie named Jordan Cotler, you remember Jordan Cotler?
That dude was sorta your partner
He used to help you write your sh** and make it morbid and darker
It's too bad you never said goodbye before your departure
When you stole your homie's sh**
Went to the bus station and boarded a charter
Fast forward to Ottawa, don't act like you don't remember
When I heard that sh** it kinda reminded me of Jonathan Bender
See Jonathan Bender was a Toronto draft pick
That never played one game for the Raptors
He got traded for Davis and after that his game just stayed stagnant
So just remember the name Bender will never hang from these damn rafters
Cause Toronto already skated on Bender
Like Bender skated on his friends in St. Catherines
[Round 3: Bender]
My best friend was Jordan Cutler and that sh** is right
I'll give you his f**ing phone number he has never rapped in his life
Listen...
Now I ain't write no jokes about your sister or mother because that's sick
But I might just tell that true story bout you s**ing your dad's dick
Now I am not 120 pounds, nor am I seventeen
With that in consideration, did you still wanna mess with me?
Now choose your weaponry removing useless goofs like you's my specialty
I'm the type to ruin loops in studio booths extensively
You're the type to smuggle in a couple Cuban refugees
And refuse to leaft your room for several weeks
While you fuse yourself between them in a human-centipede
From deep space I paint scenes that replay visually
Each page conjures nightmare and dream scape imagery
You named your CD 'Arcane', is this pea-brain kidding me?
Right there's a window into your creativity
I'm undefeated, I know a record ain't worth sh**
There's no excuse for your album that record that ain't worth sh**
Twelve tracks about hustling, you know what the science is
They just talk about salesman/sales man, I tell you no one is buying it
Now you wanna play hardball with me
I study Starkology, punk your Clark Wallabys
Go collabo' with Vado still won't be large on the streets
You ain't no hard rock O.G. you probably narc on your team
Then when you start copping plea's I hope they frame you for armed robbery
A narcotic siege and a car-bombing spree
Then lock you in a cell with Mark 'Chopper' Read
And some Russian mafioso's with stars on their knees
And have the guards toss the keys
Nah I'm just kiddin I wouldn't really wish prison on him
I'm just sh**ting on him
Just cause every time he tries to play the bully my skin is crawling
Cause he do f** all against someone bigger
See Knamelis and grave robber
I'm a pit bull, by the end of this round you be tryin to put a chain on me
b**h rappers run for they lives when they see my approach
Cause when it comes to these lines I'm in a league of my own
But my career just hit a cold snap I went from 24 to this absolute zero
And now some bums about to die after being exposed
You paid the judges off to beat that dude Corey, true story
I had your woman playing House like Hugh Laurie, true story
See that's what you do, spin some yarns pull the wool to mask the fact you're too boring
But no ones buying that bullsh** anymore, true story!
[Round 3: Arcane]
Your diet plan should include less cookie dough and more salad
If you 6-0 and this battle fit to blow torch your average
f** a home court advantage, I'll put a bulls eye on him
Have his sh** spilling out the sides like a pull pork sandwich
See if I aim and squeeze the fif', Bender's brains will leave his wig
And I found you a graveyard with the perfect place for me to dig
But your frame's so big and thick, I bet you ain't gon' ever fit
You're beyond the Biggest Loser
You should be on a show called "The Lamest Piece Of sh**"
See when I rock beats on stage, I shut that sh** down
When Bender goes to all you can eat buffets, he shuts that sh** down
Man, I got a my mind on my money and my money on my mind
Bender got his mind on his tummy and he's hungry all the time
So the way your little legs hold all of that weight defies physics
You should try fitness, no wonder you ain't pulling fly b**hes
If I was stuck in a plane beside this fat smelly f** for five minutes
That's the only time I'd ever be concerned with flight distance
So if anybody said that Bender was a beast or a monster
They must've seen him eating a lobster with bacon grease on his pasta
He's in a locker room trying to catch a seat in the sauna
With his mixtape full of remix beats by Rihanna
I bet you'd s** the peach out a cobbler
You been obese since a toddler
How the f** did this whale wash up on a beach in Toronto?
And why you name yourself after a cartoon robot, fatty?
A dude with tits that come with a fake p**y, post op tranny
Not to mention you a f**ing peace loving hippy
And y'all think B's f**ing with me?
I ain't handing over the keys to my city to a dude with D cups for titties
I feel bad you spent four months in that rehearse nonsense
But you'd only beat me if this was a wet T-Shirt contest
Muhf**a, these titties hang like a chandelier
You need a man brazier
Look like somebody tried to disguise a Panda bear in flannel gear
Yo, the champ is here
So after I end your damn career, go get a can of beer
And use that giant Santa beard to soak up all your manly tears
See ever since you was a kid you was a sloppy fat little f**
Lucky for him he had a soccer mom and a hockey dad, giddy up
But every time they tried to put you in Pilate's cla** you give it up
So I'ma put this fatty in a double wide body bag
Zip him up!