Ho ho ho!
Play it Grandpa.
(Yeah, play it!)
Let's tell them a little story
about what happened this Christmas.
(Yeah, tell them!)
Christmas Eve
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things
heavy breathing from the chimney...
who could it be?
(I'll tell you what it was...)
(What happened then, Ben?)
(Yeah, what happened?)
Well, I went back to sleep...
(You went back to sleep?!)
(sh**!)
Tired man, went back to sleep.
and in the morning
I couldn't believe my eyes
a whale of a corpse with a long, white beard
was dangling over the fire
(ha ha ha!)
oh, Santa, he's a big, fat f**
went down the chimney, got his fat a** stuck
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
'cause Mrs. Claus is gonna sue my a**
hey, hey, hey!
(hey!)
Okay Grandpa, step up.
Sing in this thing right here.
Tell them what you saw,
tell them what you saw, Grandpa!
I gotta tell you folks
he wasn't wearing no clothes
(No clothes?!)
he must have rubbed a whole gallon of Crisco
from his back, down to his toes
while I was talking to the cops outside,
the dog was lickin' Crisco off of his thighs
they hauled him away in a double-wide
what a sad, sad way to die
Santa, he's a big, fat f**
went down the chimney, got his fat a**
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
Mrs. Claus is gonna sue our a**