Let me tell you a story that happened to me
One day as I went down to Youghal by the sea
The day it was hot, the sun it was warm
Says I "A quick pint wouldn't do any harm"
Well I went in and I asked for a bottle of stout
Says the barman to me, "All the beer's all sold out
Try whiskey, try Paddy, ten years in the wood"
Says I, "I'll try cider; I've heard that it's good."
Chorus
Oh never, oh never, oh never again
If I live to be a hundred or a hundred and ten
Well I fell to the ground and I couldn't get up
After drinking a quart of that Johnny-Jump-Up
After leavin' the third I went back to the yard
Where I bumped into Brophy the big civic guard;
"Come 'ere to me lad don't you know I'm the law?"
Well I upped with me fist and I shattered his jaw
He fell to the ground with his knees doubled up
It wasn't I'd hit him, t'was the Johnny Jump-Up
The next thing that I saw down at Youghal by the Sea
Was a cripple on crutches and he said to me
"I'm afeard for me life I'll be hit by a cart
Won't you help me on over to the longshoremen's bar?"
After drinkin' a quart of that cider so sweet
He threw down his crutches and he danced in the street
Chorus
Well I went down to Bedlam a friend for to see
They call it the Madhouse near Cork by the Sea
But when I got there sure the truth I do tell
They had the poor bugger locked up in a cell
Now the jailor he said, "Say these word if you can:
'Around the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran."
"Tell them I'm not crazy, tell them I'm not mad
'Twas only a sup of the bottle I had
Chorus
A man died in the Union by the name of M'Crack
They washed him, they laid him outside on his back
And after O'Connor his measurements did take
His wife took him home for a bloody fine wake
About twelve o'clock and the beer it was high
When the corpse he sits up and says he with a sigh
"I can't get to heaven, they won't let me up
'Till I bring them a quart of Johnny Jump-Up
Chorus