[Verse 1]
Met a kid with a shirt of a band
He didn't sew it, so I laughed at him
I'd heard of the band, so I glared at him
He called me bro, so I hate him
[Verse 2]
Met a guy who worked at a bar
He looked so cliche, so I laughed at him
He checked my ID, so I glared at him
He didn't have Pabst, so I hate him
[Chorus]
No friends in the gaze of my horn-rimmed gla**es
My ironic mustache is filled with my pipe's ashes
Look at anyone else, they're the sheep; they're the fool
Don't call me a hipster because that's what "cool"
[Verse 3]
Met a jock he's a millionaire
He went to public school, so I laughed at him
His girlfriend is famous, so I glared at him
He's ten times my size, so I hate him
[Verse 4]
Met the girl of my dreams
She liked obscure bands, so I fell for her
She avoided trends, so I fell for her
But she was prom queen, so I hated her
[Chorus]
No friends in the gaze of my horn-rimmed gla**es
My ironic mustache is filled with my pipe's ashes
Look at anyone else, they're the sheep; they're the fool
Don't call me a hipster because that's what "cool"
[Bridge]
I listen to jazz (Ironically)
I voted for Nader (Ironically)
I named my kid "lunchbox" (Ironically)
I majored in math, (Ironically)
I work for the man, (Ironically)
I covered "I'm Too Sexy", (Ironically)
My ringtone is Green Day, (Ironically)
I'm a Scientologist, (Ironically)
I speak twelve words of French, (Ironically)
I failed the SAT, (Ironically)
I cut off my toe (Ironically)
I'm the least ironic person. (True irony.)
[Chorus]
No friends in the gaze of my horn-rimmed gla**es
My ironic mustache is filled with my pipe's ashes
Look at anyone else, they're the sheep; they're the fool
Don't call me a hipster because that's what "cool"
[Verse 5]
Met a world renowned physicist
His beard was trimmed, so I laughed at him
His theories were accepted, so I glared at him
He was getting accolades, so I hate him
[Verse 6]
Met the best musician in the world
His lyrics were genius, so I admired him
His voice was flawless, so I treasured him
The music was perfect (got a10 on Pitchfork)
He brightens my life
And everyone else's too
He's popular as f**
So I have no choice, And I'm better than you!
Because I hate him
[Chorus]
No friends in the gaze of my horn-rimmed gla**es
My ironic mustache is filled with my pipe's ashes
Look at anyone else, they're the sheep; they're the fool
Don't call me a hipster because that's not cool