Hello, my name's Adam Kay
And my name's Sumin Biswas
We are amateur transplants
This is a public service announcement for all men:
If you go to Bolton
If you go to Manchester or Crewe
Newcastle or Scarborough
York or Sc*nthorpe
Bradford
Barnsley too
Or Grimsby
Listen up to what we have to say
Northern birds
Are lazy, ugly who*es who
Smell of burgers
So don't have too much to drink
Or you might f** one
And end up getting AIDS
There's nothing fun
To be found up the M1
Northern birds are lower cla** slags
Who take it up the arse
They're in the sack
After one cider and black
But they're f**ing awful rides
And your dick won't touch the sides
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Northern birds
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If you really have to
Go up North then follow our advice
Fight away the women
Or you'll find yourself with pubic lice
And Herpes
You're much better staying in the South
Northern birds
Are desparate ugly hippos
Dressed in burberry
With a peanut for a brain
And an accent that makes you want to die
Now you've been warned
They're all physically deformed
Northern birds are all obese
And they're riddled with disease
Try to escape
Northern s** is worse than rape
Stay down South
And mark my words
Steer well clear of Northern birds
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Northern birds
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Northern birds