[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Chanukah…
[Adam:] Sounds good, guys!
[Adam:] Give it up for the Drei-Dels, everybody!
[Drei-Dels:] Once again, it's Chanukah. The miracle of Chanukah!
Chanukah is
The festival of lights
One day of presents?
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights! (Oh, boy)
But if you still feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for ya
So here comes number three!
Ross and Phoebe from Friends
Say the Chanukah blessing
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will and Grace's Debra Messing!
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy
Maybe they shoulda called that show
Little Kosher House on the Prairie!
We got Jerry Lewis
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism
But you guys can have him back!
(Just kiddin' Tommy!)
We may not get to kiss
Underneath the mistletoe
But we can do it all night long
With Deuce Bigalow!
[Rob Schneider:] I'm Jewish!
[Adam:] Oh, my God. Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!
[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah…
[Rob Schneider:] The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukaaah!
[Adam:] Ah, good job, Schneider!
[Rob:] What are you talkin' about?!?
[Adam:] All right, now
Osama bin Laden…
[Audience:] BOO!
Not a big fan of the Jews!
Well maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match
To gold medalist Sarah Hughes!
(Her mama's Jewish.)
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets
With such precision
But one thing they could not get out of…
Their painful circumcision!
Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish
But a full-time Oscar winner
Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too
And I'd like to put some more in her! Whoo!
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell
Beck, and Paula Abdul
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music
But first came Hebrew school!
Hey!
Natalie Portmanika
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get an Abtronica
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah
So get a high colonika
And soil your long-johnnakahs
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!
Buckle up for safety, everybody!