I'm at a payphone, don't have a cellphone
All of that changed one day last June
Went to the Asifa, sat in Citifield's bleachers
Heard lots of speeches, all six hundred and two
I heard.......
The gadgets make us lazy
The shmutz out there is crazy
The Kindle iPhone Roku
The yetzer hara tries to choke you
You need a K9 filter
No, it's nisht a poodle
It blocks YouTube and Twitter
A Mashgiach while you google
(Ay ay ay yay, you need a kosher phone)
If Moshe Rabeinu lived today
He would break all of the tablets
Want a segula for shidduchim?
Don't update your Facebook status
If we want to end this galus, oh so long and bitter
We should make She'luach Hakein to Angry Birds and Twitter
(Ay ay ay yay, you need a glatt kosher phone)
Chorus:
I'm at a payphone, don't have a cellphone
All of that changed one day last June
Went to the Asifa, sat in Citifield's bleachers
Got myself a Kosher phone mit Bluetoot (aka Bluetooth)
But my phone's hashgacha's now uncertified
The Vaad found out that Siri's not a guy
They won't let me connect to my WiFi
Cuz' Verizon's router is not 10 tefachim high
So I'm at a payphone
(Ay ay ay yay, you need a kosher phone)
(Ay ay ay yay, you need a glatt kosher phone)
We got to stop the "liking", the "tweeting", and the "poking"
Instagram's a scam, it's mamesh worse than smoking
Why is publicizing our whole lives such a mechaye
I even know a guy, he just "checked in" from a levaya
Chorus:
I'm at a payphone, don't have a cellphone
All of that changed one day last June
Went to the Asifa, sat in Citifield's bleachers
Got myself a Kosher phone mit Bluetoot (aka Bluetooth)
But my phone's hashgacha's now uncertified
The Vaad found out that Siri's not a guy
They won't let me connect to my WiFi
Cuz' Verizon's router is not 10 tefachim high
So I'm at a payphone
Yeah, who needs it
I don't need to spend all of my time doing nothing
Sitting all around and wondering' what to be watching
The latest mishigas on YouTube, "Have you seen my Shvimkleid?"
Yeah, it's stunning.
That song about aveiros has got everybody humming
The stuff people say on a shidduch, at a shiva, at the Seder
I still don't get the zach about the Oppa Style Gangnam
I don't need to see all of those deals (Even though they look delish)
Or pictures of the people that you dated up on Only Simchas
I don't expect you to "friend" me
Don't expect me to care
And you can post all your links, but
Don't expect me to share
And you can "tag" me in photos
And you can write on my wall
And you can retweet that
I feel like I'm wasting my time
Feel not satisfied, now I realize
Glad my phone is uncertified.
Chorus:
I'm at a payphone, don't have a cellphone
All of that changed one day last June
Went to the Asifa, sat in Citifield's bleachers
Got myself a Kosher phone mit Bluetoot (aka Bluetooth)
But my phone's hashgacha's now uncertified
The Vaad found out that Siri's not a guy
They won't let me connect to my WiFi
Cuz' Verizon's router is not 10 tefachim high
So I'm at a payphone