[Intro: Esoteric]
I feel like I should say something right now, right here. (What happened?) I mean I do have command of the board. (What's going on?) Not like Buck Williams, Charles Barkley, or Ken Jennings, but I ain't gonna waste your time cause it's A New Dope. (I'll fill you in on the way.) The timeframe is now
[Verse 1: Esoteric]
Two plus two, add 'em up, get five
Capital of Boston, Ma** is Beverly
See that man with the gun, poke him in the eye
Now now, G.W. Bush would never lie
Mike Tyson's such a clever guy
Illmatic was good, but it's no Aquemini
Cemetery, I spell it with an “a”
Phlegm's F-L-E-M today
I spoke with Madonna on IM
Myspace, Led Zeppelin's my friend
Hip hop started in Ipswich
French fries taste like dog sh**
Billy Holliday, he's the best
That cool band Beck is touring out west
Men and women, they both need a crown
For being so dumb, yo, tell me how they sound
[Hook 1: Esoteric]
(Dumb) When y'all ain't having no s**
But he comes home reeking of beer and Durex
(Dumb) When you keep running back to your ex
When he treats you like I treated my Lex
(Dumb) When you're backstage at a show
And don't know that you clearly look like a hoe
(Dumb) When you date a guy for three weeks
Get his name tattooed all on your a** cheeks
(Dumb) When you gave your boyfriend the keys to the crib
When he barely sees your a** as it is
(Dumb) When you [?] the drunk In the club
So you shake what your momma gave you to a thug
(Dumb) Drinking, you're trying to find Steve
And he says that his cellphone's dead and you believe him
(Dumb) When you think he thinks you're number one
I know stupid people, girl, but you dumb
Now we ain't here to celebrate stupidity or glorify being braindead, but here's a few things we have to address
[Verse 2: Esoteric]
2Pac ain't really dead, yo
That's real blood on Ric Flair's head, bro
Bin Laden, he's only bluffing
She on the pill so I won't catch nothing
The Sox dude, they don't need Manny
The Celtics really need Danny
My ex-girlfriend can't stand me
Nickelback should've won a Grammy
Should I bring wine to the funeral?
Adriana Lima ain't beautiful
Men and women, they both get a crown for being so dumb
Yo, tell 'em how they sound
[Hook 2: Esoteric]
(Dumb) When you lend your best friend your whip
When he's nuts and you knowing that he drives like sh**
(Dumb) When you give your girlfriend a lift
To a guy friend's you don't even question it
(Dumb) When you party like a rock star
Drive drunk, break down and flag down a cop car
(Dumb) When you take eight shots of [?]
Nine shots of Goose ?
(Dumb) When you're buying these whiplash CD's
From MC's that keep rhyming overly bad
(Dumb) When you call yourself an entertainment company but don't do jack
(Dumb) When you try to rob a gas station
Now the cashiers will smash that face in
(Dumb) When you fight battles with a gun
I know stupid, but that's just (dumb)
(What a dumb thing to do. I'm sure you wouldn't have done anything like this if mom and dad were here)
(Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb)
Don't open that door! Don't open that door! Oh man, you are dumb
Watch me play dumb