Alan Jay Lerner - Then You May Take Me to the Fair lyrics

[GUENEVERE] Sir Lionel! Do you recall the other night That I distinctly said you might Serve as my escort at the next town fair? Well, I'm afraid there's someone who I must invite in place of you Someone who plainly is beyond compare That Frenchman's power is more tremendous Than I have e'er seen anywhere And when a man is that stupendous He, by right, should take me to the fair [SIR LIONEL] Your majesty, let me tilt with him and smite him! Don't refuse me so abruptly, I implore! Oh, give me the opportunity to fight him And Gaul will be divided once more! [GUENEVERE] You will bash and thrash him? [SIR LIONEL] I'll smash and mash him [GUENEVERE] You'll give him trouble? [SIR LIONEL] He will be rubble [GUENEVERE] A mighty whack? [SIR LIONEL] His skull will crack [GUENEVERE] Well... Then you may take me to the fair If you do all the things you promise In fact, my heart would break should you not take me to the fair Sir Sagramore! I have some rather painful news Relative to the subject who's To be beside me at the next court ball You were the chosen one, I know But as tradition it should go To the unquestioned champion in the hall And I'm convinced that splendid Frenchman Can easily conquer one and all And besting all our local henchmen He should sit beside me at the ball [SIR SAGRAMORE] I beg of you, ma'am, withhold your invitation I swear to you this challenge will be met And when I have finished up the operation I'll serve him to your highness en brochette! [GUENEVERE] You'll pierce right through him? [SIR SAGRAMORE] I'll barbecue him! [GUENEVERE] A wicked thrust? [SIR SAGRAMORE] 'Twill be dust to dust! [GUENEVERE] From fore to aft? [SIR SAGRAMORE] He'll feel a draft! [GUENEVERE] Well then... You may sit by me at the ball If you demolish him in battle In fact, I know I'd cry were you not by me at the ball Sir Dinadan! Didn't I promise that you may Guide me to London on the day That I go up to judge the cattle show? As it is quite a nasty ride There must be someone at my side Who'll be defending me from beast and foe So when I choose whom I prefer go I take the strongest knight I know And young du Lac seems strongest, ergo He should take me to the cattle show [SIR DINADAN] Your Majesty can't believe this blustering prattle Let him prove it with a sword or lance instead! I promise you, when I've done this Gaul in battle His shoulders will be lonesome for his head! [GUENEVERE] You'll disconnect him? [SIR DINADAN] I'll vivisect him [GUENEVERE] You'll open-wide him? [SIR DINADAN] I'll subdivide him [GUENEVERE] Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Then you may guide me to the show If you can carry out your program In fact, I'd grieve inside should you not guide me to the show [SIR LIONEL/SAGRAMORE/DINADAN] Milady, we shall put an end to That Galic bag of noise and nerve When we do all that we intend to He'll be a plate of French hors d'ouvres! [GUENEVERE] I do applaud your noble goals Now let us see if you achieve them And if you do, then you will be the three Who will go to the ball, to the show And take me to the fair