If I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette Then I'd have enough cigarettes to get me through the day And if I had some spare change, every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change Then I'd have enough spare change to take care of these bills I need to pay And dude, I know that times are tough But that does not mean that you can have my stuff So how about a ride? I could drive you to the shelter We could eat dinner at the Andre House And you could even take a shower 'Cause I think you deserve much more than a smoke and fifty cents You deserve to be self-sufficient and buy your own cigarettes Oh when the saints, oh when the saints Oh when the saints go marching in They will feed you so much pizza That you'll forget about the rut that you are in Oh when the saints, oh when the saints Oh when the saints come marching in Well I'm sure they'll feel so much better With the illusion that they're helping out those sinners When all they really do is buy the so-called sinners sh**ty dinners Like five dollar hot and ready pizzas and high fructose corn syrup punch You're diabetic and apathetic, wondering when they'll bring you lunch To the park they keep you in, oh, when the saints go marching in So I wish I had a cigarette for every time a perfect stranger asked me for a cigarette But I wonder what a cigarette will really do to help that person out I wish to God I had some spare change every time a perfect stranger asked me for some spare change But there's not enough spare change in the world to make such and empty gesture count