He's a serious mister Shake his hand and he'll twist your arm With monopoly money We'll be buying the funny farm So i'll do flips, And get paid in chips From a diamond as big as the ritz-- Then i'm calling it quits Eyes the color of candy Lies to cover the handicap Though your slippers are ruby You'll be led to the b**by trap And there's no prize, Just a smaller size So i'm wearing the shoe til it fits-- Then i'm calling it quits Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds Cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines Lifting dialogue from judy garland storylines Where get-tough girls turn into goldmines But oh, those polaroid babies Taking chances with rabies Happy to tear me to bits-- Well, i'm calling it quits Yes, i'm calling it quits.