Adrian D. Holmes - Modern Major General lyrics

[Major-General Stanley] I am the very model of a modern Major-General I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical; I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news--- With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-pote-nuse [Major-General Stanley] I'm very good at integral and differential calculus I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral He is the very model of a modern Major-General! I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus In conics I can floor peculiarities parablous I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore! [Major-General Stanley] Then I can write a washing bill in Balylonic cuneiform And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral He is the very model of a modern Major-General! [Major-General Stanley] In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin" When I can tell at sight a mauser rifle from a javelin When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat" When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery: In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee You'll say a better Major-General has never sat-a-sat-a-gee [Major-General Stanley] For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral I am the very model of a modern Major-General [Chorus - Pirates, Daughters] But still in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral He is the very model of a modern Major-General!