Adam Sandler - Tollbooth Willie lyrics

Performed by Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider, Tim Meadows, David Spade, Steve Koren, Tim Herlihy, and Margaret Ruden (Car approaches) Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please." M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?" Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!" M1: "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a f**in' idiot!" (Pays toll and drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "Go f** yourself you son of a b**h! I'll come right outta the booth and f**in' whack ya, you f**in' prick!" (Another car approaches) M2: "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?" Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?" M2: "Oh, great, great. How much?" Toll Booth Willie: "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop." M2: "That's fine. Now should I give you the money, or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat a**!?" (Pays toll and drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f**in' hard on! I'll f**ing Carlton Fisk yer f**in' head with a Louise-ville f**in' slugger! Whadya think of that a** f**!?" (Another car approaches) F1: "Hi Willie." Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?" F1: "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out? I hear your the best with directions." Toll Booth Willie: "Well I know my way around New England. I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?" F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your a**. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you f**in' prick." (Drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "You f**in' b**h! f** you! You forgot to pay the f**in' toll you dirty who*e! I'll f**in' drop you with a boot to the f**in' skull you cum guzzling queen!" (Another car approaches) M3: "Hey Willie." Toll Booth Willie: "Hey, how are ya?" M3: "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go f** yourself." (Pays toll and drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "Dah, you f**in' prick! I hope you choke on a f**in' bottle cap, ya f**in' son of a f**! Eat sh**! Eat my sh**!" (Another car approaches) Bishop Nelson: "Hello Willie. Good to see you." Toll Booth Willie: "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya. That was quite a sermon you had the other day." Bishop Nelson: "Hey, well I do my best." Toll Booth Willie: "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop." Bishop Nelson: "Dollar twenty-five, Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog sh**!?" (Pays toll and drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "Ohhh! Have another one, you f**in' lush! It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f**in' douche bag!" (Another car approaches) M5: "Hey!" Toll Booth Willie: "Well hey!" M5: "Yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat a**!?" (Pays toll and drives off) Toll Booth Willie: "Well, I already heard that one you f**in' unoriginal ba*tard! Go s** a corn you f**in' piece of repeatin' sh**!" (Another car approaches) F2: "Hi." Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, hi. How are ya?" F2: "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?" Toll Booth Willie: "For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five." F2: "Here ya go." (Pays toll) F2: "Thank you." (Begins to drive off) Toll Booth Willie: "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?" F2: "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much." (Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her) Toll Booth Willie: "And here ya are." F2: "Umm, do you think you could sign it?" Toll Booth Willie: "Oh, uh.. sign it?" F2: "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here." Toll Booth Willie: "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?" (Signing receipt) F2: "Just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest f**in' dip sh** with the smallest dick alive. You understand." (Drives off) (Crumples up paper) Toll Booth Willie: "f** you, you f**in' upity b**h! I'll f**in' f** you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your f**in' mothers! You're gonna die, b**h! I'm comin' outta the booth!" (Opens the door and runs out of the booth) (Car screeches and hits him) Toll Booth Willie: "Ooooh! My f**in' leg!" M6: "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!" M7: "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a dried up stinky dick licker." Toll Booth Willie: "Why you f**in' pricks. I f**in' hear every f**in' word yer saying! When this f**in' leg heals, I'm gonna kick you guys new f**in' a**holes! (Everyone cussing eachother out)