Adam Guettel - Is That Remarkable? lyrics

[REPORTERS] Get me New York City! Hello, Chicago? Could you put me through to Bowling Green? You ready for the lowdown The real straight poop? Here comes the mother-lode scoop Get me bu*te, Montana! Hello, Savannah? Could you put me through to Abilene? You ready for the info? 'Cause she's a pip! I'm mighty glad I made the trip! Cave City, comma, capital K, capital Y; February three: "Cave Man Underground!" [REPORTER 3] You got it? [REPORTERS 1 + 2] Yeah [ALL] "Caveman Underground Imprisoned By Rock." [REPORTER 3] Somewhere in the cold hills of Kentucky, comma A caver named Floyd Collins lies pinned in a sandy cave by a boulder on his foot, period REPORTERS 1 & 2 "Cave Man Trapped Inside A Boulder." REPORTERS 1 & 3 "Kentuckian Caught Alone; Coffin Of Stone." REPORTER 2 The Kentuckian is trapped for no one knows how long under a two ton slab of granite, period [REPORTER 1] | [REPORTERS 2 & 3] ---|--- The brave man lies in a coffin of stone, comma, trapped under nearly... | "Buried While Still Alive." [ALL THREE] "Seven Tons Of Rock!" Is that remarkable? LOCALS That's remarkable! REPORTERS Is that remarkable enough? LOCALS Most amazing thing I ever saw! REPORTERS Is it incredible? LOCALS Whoa! REPORTERS I wonder what tomorrow will bring! I want the Walla Walla Bugle! The Paducah Tribune! Is this the Mexicali Telegram? You ready for the lowdown The real straight poop? Here comes the mother-lode scoop! I want the Alamogordo Banner! The Boise Gazette! Get me the Bumblebee in Birmingham! You read for the goods? 'Cause she's ready to pop This is going over the top! Cave City, comma, capital K, capital Y; February five: "Cave Victim Losing Hope" [REPORTER 3] | [MILLER] ---|--- According to Skeets Miller - | | - Huh? Comma, Collins is quickly slipping into a state of deep despair. | [REPORTERS 1 & 2] "Cave Victim Crying Out Asking For... Milk." REPORTER 2 The trapped man was heard to cry out, comma, quotes "Get me out of here, comma, even if you have to tear my foot off!" exclamation, close quotes REPORTERS 1 & 3 "Crying Out In Deep Despair To Tear His Foot Off!" [REPORTER 1] | [REPORTERS 2 & 3] ---|--- Floyd is reported to be in a state of delirium Conversing with cave crickets and even begging them... | "Losing Hope And Crying Out In Deep Despair" [ALL THREE] ...To Hurry Hurry." Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry "PULL ME OUT!" [REPORTERS] | [MILLER] ---|--- Remarkable? | | Wait... Is that remarkable enough? | | If you report what you see... Is it incredible? | | Whoa! [REPORTERS & LOCALS] I wonder what tomorrow will bring? [REPORTERS] Gimme the Lackawanna Pulpit! Pierre Picayune? Is this the Tallaha**ee Democrat? Sharpen that woody, 'cause here's the dope Chock full of tragedy and hope! I'd like the Ponca City Sun! The Saginaw Globe! Put me through the Escanaba Finch! Grab a feather and double dip; This bird is ready to rip! "Collins Family Waits And Prays." Cave City, comma, capital "K," capital "Y." February six! "Nellie, Jane, Old Man Collins Sitting On Log." [REPORTERS 1 & 3] "The picture of the weathered fam'ly is touching." REPORTER 2 The picture of the old weathered farmer and his bent backwoods wife is a touching one, period REPORTERS 2 & 3 "A virginal and colorful example of the life." REPORTER 1 The virginal sister is a colorful example of the folkways and eccentricities of the hillbilly life, period ALL THREE "Remarkably enough," comma "although they live such simple lives," Comma, "the Collins family manages to own a car and even wear shoes." BISHOP I'm freezing REPORTERS What? He's free! MILLER What the... REPORTERS Floyd Collins is free! DOYLE Hogwash! BISHOP Amazing! JEWELL Balderdash! REPORTERS He's free! FAMILY Hooey! MILLER But I was just with him And he's REPORTERS & LOCALS Not free! REPORTERS "Skeets Miller-- Celebrity Hack!" REPORTERS & LOCALS I wonder what tomorrow will bring? REPORTERS Go on, ya' know you're yella! Now listen fella This ain't no literary magazine! I only want the goodies The mother-lode scoop! I only want to scoop I only want to scoop I only want to scoop the poop Ooo Scoop the poop! Scoop the poop!